For Today

* I stole this idea from Ali Edwards. She’s a creative lady, she is. Not because of this post, per se, but all of the other marvelous things she does.*

For Today : October 16th

Outside my window…view of the mountains, kids walking to and from school, horses in the field across the way.

I am thinking…I am in need of some serious inspiration in my life.

I am thankful for… our beautiful, healthy little boy. I am thankful for my incredible husband. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful that I will get to see Heather and her beautiful new baby, again, on Sunday. i am thankful that I have the opportunity to teach art to a bunch of crazy youngsters.

From the kitchen…Bacon wrapped filet mignon, parmesan mashed potatoes, and corn. Dessert – chocolate cake. Mmmhmm…that’s right.

I am wearing…Banana republic jeans, pink ribbed sweater, white tank top, brown leather flats.

I am creating…paintings for Jer’s office, cards to send out for the holidays, my first minibook, other random art projects as the mood strikes.

I am going…to hang out with my friend Amber tomorrow and have an Austen Powers marathon. She has never seen these movies and, well, that is just unacceptable.

I am reading…The Singing by Allison Croggin and Open: Inside the Ropes at Bethpage Black by John Feinstein. To Oliver I am reading The Berenstain Bears and the Spooky Old Tree. Got to get him in the mood for Halloween!!

I am hoping…for….I don’t know what I am hoping for. I will have to get back to you on that one.

I am hearing…the sound of Jeremy typing, Muse playing in the background, and Oliver breathing.

Around the house…there are art projects. Paintings in progress are leaned up around the kitchen. Craft projects are scattered on the table.

One of my favorite things…is seeing Oliver’s face light up when Jer comes home from work.

A few plans for the rest of the week…baby blessing on Sunday, photo session on Monday with my mom’s students, followed up by an art lesson on Friday.

A picture to share…

We sure do love our tubby time. The bathroom floor and me are usually soaked by the time all the splashing subsides.

What was your day like?

Another side note: Has anyone seen or heard from LilSass? She seems to be MIA

Everyday Life – Kilroy

Remember When…?

Remember when I said that I hoped to pass my love of reading onto Rocket? I think my dream has already come true! He LOVES being read to. He will actually dig a book out from the bottom of his toy box, crawl over to where you are, and hold the book in your face as he is climbing onto your lap. Then he will sit there, forever, while you read book after book after book to him. Sometimes when he is playing by himself, he will grab a few books and look through them over and over. If the book is upside down, he will even correct its orientation so that he is reading it the right way. How funny is that!

Remember when Oliver had two teeth? He now has twice that amount. A third came in on the bottom and recently a top tooth has made its entrance into the world. He likes to click his bottom teeth against his top tooth, and his face is so damn cute when he does it.

Remember when I said I stopped using that bullshit Babywise method? Well, for the past month or so, I have been doing pretty much everything that that book said we should absolutely not do. Like feeding your baby to sleep, and going into their room to comfort them everytime they fussed, etc. etc. And you know what? It’s fucking working!! For the past week Rocket hasn’t cried at all when we have put him to bed for the night. AAAAANNNNDDD for the past three days he has slept from about 8PM straight through until 7AM. (I believe!! Halelujiah!!) So if anyone ever hands you this book and tells you it worked wonders for them, calmly take it from their hands and then SLAP THEM REPEATEDLY IN THE FACE WITH IT. Babywise, my ass.

Spransy Quote of the Weekend – Portland Style

This weekend Jeremy, my parent’s, and I went to Portland. These are some of the choice things heard during that trip.

*Said while driving into the parking lot of our hotel*
Mom: Get out of the way, dickhead.

Dad: Sir, your head looks like a dick.

*Said while on the way to The Grotto, The National Sanctuary of Our Sorrowful Mother*
Mom: This sanctuary better be serene or I’m going to be fucking pissed.

*Said while relating a past banana split experience*
Dad: I ordered a banana split once, and when I reached the end I realized there was no freaking banana! When I told the waitress she said, ‘Do you want me to bring you a banana?’ No! You can take that banana and shove it up your banana shove space!

*Said after Jer expressed concern over setting the dirty stroller wheels on my mom’s sweater*
Dad: It wouldn’t be the first time my dirty wheels have been on that sweater.

*Said in defense of his earlier comments*
Dad: I don’t say things that are dirty, I make innuendos. I just follow it up by saying I don’t know what that means.

Me: Right, because that makes it ok.

Dad: Hey, “dirty wheels” isn’t dirty.

Me: It is when you say it.

My Child? Stubborn? Please. I Wrote the Book on Stubborn.

After about an hour of fighting with Rocket to go to sleep, laying him down in his crib, letting him cry for increasingly longer periods each time, we decided that the only option left was to let him cry it out for as long as it took. We knew he was tired. We could hear him stop to yawn in the middle of his crying. We would see him, as we looked up at his room from the kitchen, standing half asleep with his head resting on the rail of his crib. Finally after about twenty minutes there was quiet.

Jeremy crept upstairs to make sure he was ok, then steps out of Rocket’s room and, with a whispered laugh, says, “Sus, you have to come see this. Bring your camera.”

We both tried to muffle our giggles as I took a picture of this.

New Kick Ass Tricks.

Jeremy taught Rocket how to throw his rubber ducky and they had their first game of catch.

Rocket gives hugs and says “Oooooohhh” when he does it.

He can almost get down off the couch by himself.

He bounces to the beat whenever there is music playing.

He can turn the lights off with the light switch.

As you can tell from the nature of this post, I don’t have a lot of time to write. I will try to write something more in the near future.

The Yes’s, Nos, Maybes, and It’s None of Your Damn Businesses

THE CANS:

Can you blow a bubble?
Yes, with gum, spit, and soap, but not with tar, meatloaf, shoestrings, or llamas.

Can you dance?
I could once, but then I became so fed up with rhythm.

Can you do a cart wheel?
With or without hands?

Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue?
Probably. I’ve never tried.

Can you touch your toes?
With my forehead. (Hey, you never said I had to keep my legs straight.)

Can you wiggle your ears?
Yep. At the same time and individually.

Can you wiggle your nose?
Yeah, but strange things seem to happen every time I do.

THE DIDS:

Did you ever get into a fist fight in school?
Only with myself. I lost.

Did you ever run away from home?
No. Where the hell would I go?

Did you ever want to be a doctor?
If by doctor you mean artist, then yes.

Did you ever want to be a fire fighter?
I thought I did, but then I realized that I just liked spraying things off with a hose.

44 Random

1. Do you like blue cheese?
In the trash, yes. In my mouth, no.

2. Have you ever been drunk?
Yes, but that was a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away.

3. Do you own a gun?
I owned a hot glue gun, once.

4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite?
The kind that required the addition of one cup of sugar.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Not usually. Depends on what it is for.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?

• They are not of this planet
• I prefer them on a bun with ketchup only
• They would not make a good weapon
• They should never be used as the meat in enchiladas

7. Favorite Christmas movie?
Twas the Night Before Christmas

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee, milk, soda, whatever is on hand.

9. Can you do push ups?
Yeah. On your face.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
My wedding ring.

11. Favorite hobby?
Reading, punching midgets, laughing at people falling down.

12. Do you have A.D.D.?
I don’t even know what…hey look a chicken!

13. What’s your favorite shoe?
The right one.

14. Middle name?
Diane

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1) I need a drink.
2) We should go to Barnes and Noble.
3) Itsy Bitsy Spider crawled up the water spout.

16. Name 3 things you regularly drink?
Milk, Diet Dr Pepper, Coffee

17. Current worry?
My boys. Want them to be happy, you know.

18. Current hate right now?
Choo Choo Soul

Seriously, what the fuck?

19. pepsi or coke?
Coke. Pepsi blows.

20. How did you ring in the New Year?
Rockin’ out with the family.

21. Where would you like to go?
You read this blog…take a wild guess.

22. Name three people who will complete this?
Your mom, your mom and your mom.

23. Do you own slippers?
Only for the purpose of swatting people across the face.

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now?
Pink

25. Do you like sleeping on Satin sheets?
Gross.

26. Can you whistle?
Let me just say, the Scorpions would be proud.

27. Favorite color?
Red

28. Would you be a pirate?
Don’t you mean, “Wood”? HAHAHAHA. Argh, she be a quick one, mateys!

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Personal narrations about what I am doing, to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

30. Favorite Girl’s Name?
Couldn’t say.

31. Favorite boy’s name?
Oliver, of course.

32. What’s in your pocket right now?
One hand.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
Oliver doing his spazztic hip thrust dance.

34. Best bed sheets as a child?
The ones that my mommy washed for me.

35. Worst injury you’ve ever had as a child?
I crushed my forehead against a steel bar and had to get stitches.

36. Do you love where you live?
Yes I do.

37. What did you want to be when you grew up?
An animator for Disney.

38. Who is your loudest friend?
Heather, definitely.

39. How many dogs do you have?
Not a one. And that’s the way it shall stay.

40. Does someone have a crush on you?
Besides, my husband? Doubt it.

41. What is your favorite book?
Siddhartha – Hermann Hesse

42. What is your favorite candy?
Toss up between Butterfinger, Sixlets, or Watchamacallit.

Which reminds me…one time when we were kids, my brother asked if I wanted him to get me a candy bar on his trip to Seven-Eleven.

Me: Yes, I would.

Pete: OK, what kind?

Me: A Watchamacallit.

Pete: I don’t know what that is.

Me: It’s a candy bar.

Pete: No shit. What’s its name?

Me: Watchamacallit.

Pete: JUST TELL ME WHAT IT IS!

Me: Just go to the Sev and see what you can come up with.

I really wasn’t trying to be a dickhead difficult, despite what Pete may have thought.

43. Favorite sports team?
Um….yeah….

44. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Candle in the Wind – The Princess Di Version or She’s Like the Wind by Patrick Swayze.

The Ins and Outs

As of yesterday, Oliver has officially been out of my womb for as long as he was in it. Yep, Ollie’s 9 months old!! That’s only three months away from a year old. How did that happen?! In just three short months, I will have a one year old. I will stop referring to him in months when asked his age. (Perhaps not, though. I may continue doing this until he is at least out of high school. * Hypothetical Conversation* Oliver: “Mom, can I go out with (insert name of hot chick here) on Saturday?” Me: “Absolutely not, young man. Not until you are at least 192 months old!”)

I know my posts have become few and far between. You don’t have to tell me that. And why, you ask, have my blogging efforts become so fleeting? Let me tell you.

I apparently gave birth to a mountain goat-cheetah hybrid.

Oliver went from crawling to climbing, pulling himself up, and cruising all over everything in less than a month. Jeremy and I have been removed from our position as, “mom” and “dad,” and are now lovingly referred to as, “jungle” and “gym.” And our house would be the photo featured next to the article titled, “Not Childproof.” I am constantly pulling him away from the stairs, my books, the TV. He just barely missed dropping a toy inside one of our speakers before Jeremy caught him. It has been a nonstop project of moving CDs, blocking off areas to play in, shoving plastic covers into electrical outlets, and removing treasured novels from his lightening fast little mitts, before he completely destroys them.

Fortunately there is the other side of life with Oliver. The side where we are watching him learn and discover and grow, and not almost light himself on fire or snort that last line of coke. (I KID, I KID!) These are some of the recent skills he has attained:

• Using the light switch to turn the lights on and off.
• Feeding himself cheerios, small banana chunks, and whatever else he find on the floor before I catch him.
• Pulling himself to a standing position, against the ottoman, where he chills out for a relaxing, educational episode of WordWorld.
• Throwing his sippy cup on to the floor and laughing after mommy picks it up again and again AND AGAIN.
• Flipping himself upside-down any chance he gets. He’s our little dare devil!
• Turning the pages of his books when you read to him, which he loves! He will sit for hours (Or so I would guess. One can only read Dr. Seuss and PD Eastman for so long.) while you read to him.
• Stretching his arms over his head when I say the phrase, “Sooooo big!”

Sadly, however, Oliver has stopped sleeping through the night. I think he is going through a serious, “OH MY GOD! MOMMY, DON’T LEAVE ME!” phase. He will only sleep in two hour stretches unless I am holding him or he is sleeping in our bed. So, one could say, it has been a rough, sleepless few months. If anyone has any pointers or suggestions, I am all ears. I started out using the Babywise method, but decided to tell that book and its philosophies to go fuck itself. I was really tired of listening to Oliver scream himself to sleep every night and hated that I had wasted all those months when I could have, nay SHOULD HAVE, been rocking him to sleep. So now we are back at square one. Oye vey.

Things with my past job have finally come to a close, so I am now free to speak about that. Back in April, the company I was working for, eliminated my postion and replaced it with a part-time in the office position. As you may recall I was working from home so that we didn’t have to put Ollie in daycare. The two main reasons for avoiding daycare, I think anyone could guess.

1. It’s expensive as fuck.
2. We don’t want some 18 year old floozy raising our child during his fundamental years. We’ll save the floozy for later.

Anyways, long story short, they offered me the part-time position, which I declined. First of all, working FULL-TIME, my entire paycheck would have gone to paying for daycare. How in the hell did you expect me to pay for daycare on half the pay and no benefits. Go suck a goat. So, after we parted ways (on very good terms, I might add! My boss even offered to give me a good reference if needed. This fact will be important later on.), I immediately applied for unemployment.

Well, I was denied. Why, do you ask? Because my employer told Workforce Services that I was fired!! WH-WH-WHAAT?!!! I was furious!! Okay, actually I was more disgusted than anything. My boss is a bishop in the Mormon religion (that’s a very important calling, for those not in the know. Equivalent to a priest or a rabbi, I would believe.), and he flat out lied. I was flabbergasted. Of course, I appealed their decision, went through the whole court hearing shebang and DA DA DA DA!!! was denied yet again. So whatever, fuck them, I don’t care anymore, moving on.

I love being able to stay home with Oliver. It has definitely been an adjustment becoming a single income family, but we are making it work. And I can’t express enough to Jeremy how grateful I am that he is taking on such a huge burden to enable me to stay home to raise our son. It means more to me than he will ever know. Truth be told, I don’t miss working for that place at. all. It was “punch yourself in the face to pass the time” boring. However, it was not all bad. The pay was nice and the perks were fantastic. I received various awards and merchandise. Some of the kickass things I received were my Nikon D40 camera, my iPod Touch, Jeremy’s iPod Nano, our Playstation 3, and Jeremy’s Skycaddie. So that part of the job we will definitely miss. The rest of it….go shove it up your ass.

On a happier note, Jeremy and I just had our 5 year anniversary! It’s seems like we just got married. Time is just screaming by these days. I have loved every day I have been with Jeremy. He is my rock, my knight in shining armor, the Marshall to my Lily. I love you, baby!!

That picture is from our recent trip to Zions. And, no, you are not seeing things. My hair is gone. Short. I love it!! I had reached my limit of the amount of hair I was willing to have ripped out by a curious little boy. I will grow it back in the future, but for now, I am totally digging it. And I was able to donate almost two feet of hair to Locks of Love. So that was pretty sweet.

I will try to write a bit more frequently, but for now here is another picture of the reason most of you come to this blog (don’t try back-peddling, I’m on to you….) Until next time!

Oliver – Through the Years

1950

1956

1960

1962

1964

1966

1968

1970

1972

1974

1976

1978

1982

1984

1986

1988

1994

1998

2000