8250

Pronunciation: ’ā-tē • ’tü • ’fif-tē

8.jpg Number of hours I spent in the sun on Saturday, and now I am fried! Nothing says attractive like blistered peeling shoulders.

2.jpg Number of times I have listened to the Main Street Electrical Parade theme song this morning. Man, this brings back memories.

5.jpg Number of miles completed by my aunt in the MS150 Bike Race. My aunt suffers from MS and spent many months working with my sister to be able to complete this distance on a hand-crank bike. She was amazing and we are so proud of her!

0.jpg Number of times Jer and I will be eating out for lunch or dinner this week. That’s right! I am packin’ lunches and makin’ dinner.

Advertisements

Cookie? Um….No Thanks.

Does anyone else find it mildly disturbing that one would have to reach their hand up Stitch’s ass to get a cookie?

If you were in my family, the conversation would go something like this:

Inquiring Person: Are there any cookies left?

Spransy Response: If they were up Stitch’s butt, you’d know.

Everyday Life – Mr. Potato Head as “Spudda Fett”

Out of all the Mr. Potato Head characters I have seen, this has to be the coolest one ever.

Let’s Talk About Vag, Baby. Let’s Talk About Pubes and Me.

Damn it. Now I am going to have that stupid song stuck in my head. As Badass Geek says, props to anyone who knows what I am talking about.

Jeremy and I commute to work which means that we usually have about 45 minutes to an hour to converse while driving home. Most days the conversations are pretty normal, according to most people’s standards. But then we have those days when the conversations are more normal…for us.

We started off talking about memories from our childhood, and how it was amazing that we could remember that far back. Then I commented on how it was probably a good thing that we didn’t remember being born. Could you imagine what a tragic experience that would be?! Jer followed it up with, “Yeah, it’s weird to think that at one point your mother’s vagina was holding your eyes closed!”

Junior and Q: Take 7

Junior: Shit. Now I am deaf!

Q: Why?

Junior: I was listening to this Japanese news broadcast and had turned up the volume so I could hear it. Then, when I was done, I switched over to iTunes and blew the shit out of my ear holes.

Q: Hahahaha! You idiot.

Junior: Shit up.

Q: You shit up.

Junior: No! You!

Q: Right up your ass crack, you motha!

Junior: But only if I can wipe this upward shit from my crack!

Watch him defy gravity and shit UP his own ass!

Q: Um. . . it’s not really an act of defiance. Babies do it all the time. They manage to shit all over their own backs, leaving their asses fresh and clean.

It’s an act of SHHHEEER POWER!

Junior: Maybe the babies are just defying their mothers!

Q: Oh true. Good point.

Junior: Ever think of that!?

I’ll show you, bitch! Bring me into this world and I am gonna shit all over everything, BUT my own ass!

Q: Do you think the work defy is derived from the word Defecate?

Junior: I think you are on to something!

#27 30×365: People I Played Golf With Recently

Nine holes of golf should NEVER take 4 hours to play! You make me want to tear your arms off and beat you with them. PAY ATTENTION! GET YOUR ASS MOVING!

Aaaaannny Day, Now.

Remember that scene it “A League of Their Own” when Tom Hanks is peeing and does so for so long that they start to time him? That was me this morning. In fact that has been me on several mornings. One time Jer was telling me something and stopped halfway through his anecdote to say, “My god, are you still peeing?!” I am talking like 30 – 40 second pees. That is a long time!

In the mortal words of Mae Mordabito, “That’s some good peein’!”