Why, I ask you! WWWWWHHHHYYYYY???!!!

I was greatly inspired today by Badass Geek’s most recent post. It’s been a while since I had a serious rant moment and frankly, it’s high time I did! These are a few things that make me want to punch a baby. (CALM DOWN CALM DOWN! I would NEVER do that. EVER. It just sounded funny…sorry.)

1. People who remove vowels while typing via Instant Messenger or Text Messaging
This is the epitome of all laziness that has ensued in the teenage (and sadly adult) culture. Why can’t you just type the Y and the O, instead of just “u”? Does it really take that much of your time? The word is three fucking letters long. I bet you microwave your Pop Tarts. And why is it that you can’t stand to type vowels, yet you will spend what I imagine to be hours formulating the perfect number and symbol combination that can only be deciphered if one has access to the Rosetta Stone? These forms of communication are going to be the downfall of the English language as we know it.

2. Receiving My Food Order and It Is All Sorts of Fucked Up.
Granted, I am a VERY VERY picky eater. But when one orders a PLAIN HAMBURGER, is that the go ahead to place a big nasty ass slice of cheese on it? NO! I hate cheese. (Yes, yes. It is just one of the many quirks I have that make me so charming.) Also, if I order my hamburger with “ketchup only” that doesn’t mean that you have to make up for the remaining space that would have been taken up by the lettuce, tomato, pickles and onions with 12 lbs of ketchup. I am OK if you don’t meet the standard weight of the given product. Also, I don’t want to see your dumbfounded expression when I ask for things on the side. It’s not my fault you think “very little cream cheese” equals half of the yearly supply. Maybe this is why you haven’t seen your feet in 5 years? Ever put two and two together?! (Wow, that last part was just plain mean. I am getting side tracked…focus, Sus, focus.)

*** side note: One time I ordered a taco with lettuce only. They took it very literally and gave me a taco shell filled with nothing but lettuce. Can we find a middle ground here people, please?***

3. Customer Service Employees That Act All Sorts of Put Out When They Have to Help You.
Hey, girl in the stupid Hot Dog On a Stick garb, pumping the lemonade. I didn’t make you fill out the application to work here. You did that on your own. So stop getting all bent out of shape that you have to take 3 minutes out of your day to fry me up a batter dipped dog of goodness. If you hate it so badly, here’s a tip. Learn to use vowels. Then you might be able to graduate from high school, go to college, and get a real job. Somewhere like Old Navy.

I think that is enough for today. I could go on and on but, as you can see, the longer I rant the more vicious I get.

One Response

  1. You know, I would have to agree whole-heartedly with every statement you made here. I’m beginning to think we are going to get along famously.

    And yes, punching a baby does sound funny. In a exceedingly wrong kind-of way.

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