In Which I Answer Your Many Deep and Profound Questions.

I think I am finally pulling out of the funk that I have been in for the past couple of days. It took a while for me to realize what was going on, but once I did I was able to accept it, deal with it, and move on. While I know that it was our decision to have a child and I knew all the ups and downs that would come with it, it didn’t really hit me until the other day. Jeremy and I were just sitting on the couch listening to music, and I suddenly became acutely aware that this would never be the same again. And I became very sad. It was like I was in mourning for the loss of a life I had taken for granted, and I couldn’t see the light of the wonderful and exciting life ahead of me. But, all is well. I know, without a doubt in my mind, that we made the right decision to have a child. And I am not going to beat myself up over my brief moment of regret or whatever you want to call it. I can’t imagine anyone going through this who hasn’t felt this way at some point.

So anyways, enough of that shit. On to the questions!!

Ashley Shawcroft: What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Honestly, I have no idea. I would imagine, not much. I have never actually eaten a Klondike bar, due to my ice cream issues.

Miss Grace: What was your last public nudity experience?

Hmmm. I am not sure if it would technically be called a “public nudity experience” since we were not in public when it occurred, but it is now available for public viewing. A friend of mine is a very well-renowned photographer, and I posed nude for one of her pictures. This photograph ended up being published in a book that you can order from your local bookstore. What the name of the book is I shall not say :P, but that would have to be my last public moment of nudity.

zengoddess: If you and I were on an island all to ourselves and I had a KlonDIKE bar what would you do for it? 🙂

The real question is “What WOULDN’T I do for your KlonDIKE bar?!”

Ashley B.: Do you wipe back to front or front to back?

It’s more of a wax on wax off kind of motion.

Ashley (revised): I’m anticipating your response to my question, and knowing your dislike for ice cream, I’m amending my question: what would you do for a Klondike bar that wasn’t made out of ice cream but was instead made out of peanut butter and apples? Or, maybe more interesting: what lengths would you go to in order to NOT have to share a Klondike bar?

If it was made out of apples and peanut butter, I would give your husband’s left nut to eat it. I would give my own nuts if I had any. And I would give my husband’s nuts if they hadn’t already been, hypothetically, given away for other various things that I would like to have or see.

And I think I would give your husband’s other nut and your left boob to NOT have to share a Klondike bar with anyone. The thought of it sicks me out so much, that I would probably just end up puking on the said Klondike bar, and then no one would have to eat it…..hopefully.

Badass Geek: Is the gas-flap to the gas tank on your car on the left or right side? Does it have a manual catch, or do you have to release it from the inside of the car? Do you have a locking gas-cap? Do you use regular unleaded gas, or hi-test?

The gas-flap is on the left side of the car. You have to release it from inside. The gas cap does not lock. Currently, with gas prices as they are, we use the lowest grade of gas possible. When we are not being raped up the tank hole, we use a mid grade.

LilSass: Oh c’mon, I want somethin’ good ‘n deep (that’s what he said). So um .. how does us asking you questions prevent this from being another thing on your to-do list? I mean, I’m not questioning you or anything … I just um, yeah whatever …

When you think about the next 18 years of your life (let’s keep it simple), what is the one thing about parenting that terrifies you the most? I’m not talking about shitting the labor and delivery table or his first knocked out tooth. I need more from you. What absolutely almost paralyzes you to even think about in the realm of parenting? Something you fear deeply but you look the other way and are doin’ it anyway ….


Good point on the “to do list” comment. It seemed easy at the time, because I didn’t have to think to hard about what to write. That was until your second question.

The thing that scares me the most about being a parent, is not being able to let go. I know it will be absolutely terrifying to let our son ride his bike around the block by himself for the first time, or to not yell at him for climbing so high in the tree or on the jungle gym. Or to trust some other parent to watch him and seventeen other kids at some birthday party at the local swimming pool. And when he is a teenager, I will worry about him feeling accepted. I want him to be confident in himself and his abilities. I am so worried about him getting hurt or something happening to him, that I am afraid that I won’t let him get hurt. And he needs to. Not saying that he needs to be abused or bullied. He just needs to learn that this happens; it’s part of life. I just think that I need to learn to be protective, but allow his independence at the same time. And that is going to be very very hard.

2 Responses

  1. Wow, this is my first visit to you blog and what a great first post to read!
    As the mother of an 8 year old, your answer the Lil Sass’ question is right on. Letting go is HARD. Even though you know you are a good parent and you have given them tools to deal, you can’t always be there. My daughter waved me away this summer when I dropped her off at overnight girl scout camp. She was fine. I sobbed in the car because its my job as a parent to give her the skills to cope and then walk away. It can be a heart breaker.

  2. I apologize for my delayed response.

    I really appreciate hearing about your ‘mourning’ for the loss of a life, as you know it. I think that feeling is TOTALLY understandable and heck, your life is about to change in more ways than you can even fathom – for the good and the bad. Embrace the change, my dear!!

    Your answers are hysterical and yet I find BAGs question the most hysterical. What a weirdo that kid 😉

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