Unfinished

My life is full of unfinished projects, unrealized ambitions, “I would love to do….” but never dos. I am getting kind of tired of it. And I realize with the upcoming arrival of Rocket, that I am going to have even less time to do the things that I want to do. Or so I think…. Is that really going to be the case, or do I just need to learn to prioritize the things I want to do with the things I am expected to do? Hmmm.

These are just a few of the projects (I don’t even think I could name all the ideas I have had) that I have started within the last year or two that have fizzled out like a bad sparkler. All of these were started with the best intentions (as all projects are) but, died sooner then they deserved to.

1. My second knitting project:
A hat. This was started only a few weeks ago. Seemed simple enough. I worked vigorously on this for about four days. You know where it is now? Sitting in a plastic bag underneath my kitchen table. I don’t even remember where I left off in the pattern. So now I will have to start over….again. (It’s only my second knitting project. Having to unravel it a few times was inevitable.)

2. 100 small abstract paintings series:
I thought this would be a breeze. Hell, I finished half the paintings in one weekend!

But alas, this project has also, now, sat dormant for almost a year now. Where does the creative energy go?

3. Selling handpainted or altered journals:
Again, I bought piles and piles of these journals to enhance with my own personal touch. I only finished about five of them. Certainly not the kind of supply required to have a successful market.

4. Painting ANYTHING on the sheet of watercolor paper sitting upstairs:
Yep. The name of this bullet point pretty much says it all. I have a pristine piece of watercolor paper leaning against my piano, upstairs. Every time I see it (which is often as I play the piano on a daily basis) it begs me to mark it brutally with a pencil and then tell it, “I am sorry, that was a mistake.” After which I will stroke it tenderly with a paint brush. All before lighting half of it on fire…because it just needed a bit of scorching on the edge. Yet, it is still sitting in the same place I left it after picking it up in a creative whim…..five months ago.

Why does this happen? Why can’t I get myself to do the one thing in life that I love more than anything? What is it that is holding me back? I see all these creative people through the blogs that I read and in the people I am surrounded by. You would think that I would be inspired! Oh and I am! I quickly run out and buy a myriad of supplies. But once I get home, I am filled with doubt. Like my work will never be as moving or profound as theirs. Or, I don’t know what I want to say with this piece, what if someone wants me to explain it and they think I am a fraud because I don’t have an answer?

Maybe I also set my expectations to high? So instead of deciding to do 30 paintings, I should just set out to do at least one. I think I am on to something here! It’s all about being realistic! I get it. Set out to do something that you know you can accomplish. If you are able to go above and beyond that, great, but if not at least you won’t feel like a big fucking failure. BRILLIANT!!

Thanks for helping me reach that epiphany. I needed that.

Now I am off to start that painting :)!

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5 Responses

  1. The greatest thing about becoming a mom for me was that I had to learn to get things done in the free time that I had. It changed everything for me. It helped me to not be so much of a perfectionist, and then all of the things I never used to get done started getting done.

    When you think you have all day to get something done, it never gets done. When you know that you have to work while baby sleeps, you’ll be amazed what you can accomplish.

  2. You know, like LilSass wrote on her blog a couple weeks ago, you blog for yourself, first and foremost. the same would be true for creative pursuits like painting and such. Don’t compare what you do to others. Do it for you first.

  3. How big (or small) are the individual paintings in the 100 series? I think that is a great project!

  4. Lola: I hear what you are saying. If I know I have one more day to do something, I will put it off for one more day. Having a tighter deadline or timeframe will definitely help that!

    Moonspun: Too true! Thanks for reminding me of what is really important. I seem to have forgotten somewhere along the way :).

    Badass Geek: Thanks! Not big. Each painting is about 6″ x 8″. Hmmmm. Maybe these could be the first things I sell on Etsy?!

  5. I have the same problem! It’s so easy to buy supplies and plan to make something beautiful than to actually go ahead and mark up the paper or canvas.. I’ve been talking about opening an Etsy shop for eons.

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