My My! What Is That Intriguing Aroma?

As mentioned in my previous post, my husband and I are commuters. We often stop for breakfast and eat it on the way. Might as well make the most of the time, right? Well the other day I had a chocolate milk. I didn’t finish all of it and had about 3oz or so leftover. I forgot to throw it away and it sat in the car for a day or two. So Friday, after dropping Jeremy off at the golf course, I gathered up the trash that has accumulated in our car over the past couple of days, including the milk (or so I thought), and tossed it in the garbage. After which I headed over to my sister’s house to pick up some craft supplies I had let her borrow.

Because I have quite the armful to get out to the car, my sister’s fiance helps me carry out the supplies. While we are there, he notices the lower half of a mannequin I have laying in the back seat of the car. I explain to him that I am painting it for my other sister, Jenn, and proceed to pull it out to show him this (painted on the mannequin’s cooter…I love that word).

I push the mannequin back in to the car, but it gets caught up on something. So I go around to the other side of the car to finish pulling it into place. This is when I notice that it smells like a dead body has decided to join me for the ride home. I look under the mannequin and see what it was caught up on. The milk that I had thought I had thrown away is now all over the back mat of the car. It. Was. Ungodly.

I tried my best to clean it up, but there is no cleaner available in this world that will remove the smell of Satan’s asshole. So with all the window’s cracked I headed back to pick up Jeremy, trying to stifle my gag reflex on the way. As we are heading back to get into the car I tell him, and my father who has joined us at this time, what has happened. We don’t get less than 6 feet from the car and you can smell it. Jeremy and my father started retching, instantly. I can’t blame them. It smells like the inside of a prosthetic leg. (Or so I imagine.) And there is nothing we can do.

Once we have pulled together enough courage, we get into the car and brave the 45 minute commute home. We have all the windows down, despite the noise from traveling on the freeway, and scream back and forth at each other in an attempt to have a conversation. About halfway home, we stop off at Cafe Rio to pick up our standard Friday night dinner. This was a bad idea. The combination of sour milk and fideo smells like hot vomit.

It has taken multiple scrub downs with 409 and a bottle of Febreze to make the smell tolerable. Not gone, just not so pungent. I think it will take a small fire and a cliff to get rid of it entirely.

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9 Responses

  1. That is a horrible smell. Almost as bad as one’s breath tends to smell after drinking spoiled milk. And yes, I’m speaking from personal experience.

  2. Does the mannequin smell like Satan’s asshole?

  3. Honey, I love the mannequin! As for the asshole smell, grind yourself up some coffee beans, make some coffee, and use the grinds to rub into the mat or rug where it spilled. Let them dry, and vac.

    It works pretty well. I used it when a cat sprayed (an incredibly gross smell) in my car because he was so afraid of going to the vet, and it worked. I forget where I heard of it.

    My rugs were black, but if yours are a light color, you could try baking soda, too, if you wet the area down and then put it on and let it dry before you vac. Good luck. I feel your pain!

  4. Keep in mind that I do know an awesome carpet cleaner if you need help.

  5. This was a BRILLIANT story though I am sorry to hear of this nastiness. Two things to be grateful for: 1. It’s not the dead of winter. 2. You don’t have morning sickness. COULD YOU IMAGINE??

  6. And what I meant to also mention on my first visit was … CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT YOU GIFTING A PAINTED COOTER TO YOUR SISTER!!!!! WTF???

  7. I personally like gifted paintings of p*&%#, LilSass. Is there something wrong with that?
    Susie, you made me cry laugh at work while reading this story. It’s going to be a good day!!!

  8. oh my goodness! the manniequin is TOO much…wow! Luckily the gross chocolate milk did get on the cooter.
    I can’t imagine the smell..ok, I can and it’s not pretty. I like Lola’s suggestion, coffee smells yummy!

  9. Yes the coffee idea is brilliant. One problem, though. My husband HATES the smell of coffee.

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