26 Days and Counting

That’s right. Only 26 days until Rocket’s due date! I can’t believe how quickly the time has passed. Almost too quickly to tell you the truth. Don’t get me wrong; I am more excited than I ever imagined to kiss his little chin and to place his little feeties on my cheeks as I smile down at him and sing him little songs. But as far as being ready in the “we have a crib and bottles” sense, I could use a few more months.

My last day of work is the 21st of November. I am cutting it a little close to my due date, I know, but I figure I feel great, my job is easy, and my work is actually closer to where I will be giving birth than my home is, so if I do go into labor early it will be much more convenient. Although, I do not like the idea of possibly having my water break in my cubicle and having to ask my boss to drive me to the hospital. Um….AWKWARD! Hopefully it will happen while I am shaking the hand of a visiting client. That would be awesome. Sorry. I spilled something on your shoes.

I will be on maternity leave for about 3 weeks. After that I will be working from home! I am thrilled that my company is willing to work with me and to let me do this. But I am also nervous. I worry that I will not be diligent enough to actually work. So for those of you who work from home, if you have any pointers, suggestions, words of advice, they would be greatly appreciated. I am not the most organized person, in fact far from it. So anything that you have found to keep things in order would also be helpful and appreciated information as well.

And speaking of no time…better get back to work….

Everyday Life – Baby Shower

My dear girlfriends, Annie, Ashley, and Amber, threw a baby shower for me last Saturday. I love those girls. It was fabulous!

And yes, I like to be at least a head taller than all my friends. Makes me feel POWERFUL!

Actually, half the time I just feel huge…but whatever.

Junior and Q: Take 12

Junior: Freaky picture!

Q: Do you know what that is from?

Junior: Watcher in the Woods.

Q: Yeah!! I am going to have a Halloween party and we are going to watch that. Want to come?!

Junior: Sure. Although, I may react adversely to the movie. I may shit my pants.

Q: Me too .

Junior: Oh, then perfect. I will be there.


Moonspun was kind enough to bestow this lovely award upon me. Thanks, Moonspun!!

It appears that the stipulations of this award state that I must write about six of my favorite things. So here goes, in no particular order (except for number one, of course!).

1. Jeremy: I think this goes without saying. He is my best friend and I can’t even remember what life was like without him. Certainly much duller, that is for sure! He has helped me to gain more confidence in myself than I ever thought possible. And the best part is that he lets me be me. He doesn’t care that I swear or say things that are way over the top. He doesn’t care that I am not “lady like,” when it comes to the jokes I crack or the comments I make. Sometimes I like to say the most inappropriate thing I can think of just to see the shock on his face and then the laughter that I know is soon to follow. I love this guy more than I ever thought I was capable of. I don’t know what I did all those years without him.

2. Getting My Family to Laugh: Nothing makes me happier than being able to get my family to laugh uncontrollably. I am not much of a showman and don’t like, despite any impression I have given here, to be the center of attention. So I try to do this in my own subtle way. For example, we love to play board games as a family. One we often play is “Wise or Otherwise.” My only goal during the game is to turn in a definition that will make the reader laugh so hard that it takes them at least 5 minutes to gain enough composure to quickly read it to the other players, before they start laughing again. The person I can usually get to the most is my sister, Karey. Fucking cracks me up! I love it.

3. Wet Cement: I love the smell of it. There is nothing better in my opinion. When we were kids we would go swimming all summer long at my grandma’s pool in Santa Barbara. I loved nothing more than to climb out of the pool and lay right on the cement on the edge of the pool, in the hot sun, to dry out. The smell of the cement and the gardenias blooming nearby and the ocean air was my own little piece of heaven.

4. Libraries: I could spend hours here. I love running my hand along the bindings of the books as I walk down the, too often, narrow aisles. The smell of old books is right up there with the smell of wet cement. I love walking quietly past an aisle and seeing someone totally immersed in a story, completely unaware that anyone else is around. I love peeking over the book tops to the next aisle and catching someone’s eye and getting that “I know, isn’t this magical!” look returned to me. Certain book covers can bring back a rush of memories in an instant. And not necessarily remembrance of the story, but of the time in my life when it was read and how those circumstance affected the book’s impact on me as a person. I hope to be able to pass this love onto Rocket. I can’t wait to let him loose in the children’s section and to have him return with a pile of books to check out. Oh and story time?! We are SO THERE.

5. Disneyland: I know it’s completely ridiculous, but it’s true. I can’t remember a day in my life when I haven’t daydreamed about it in one capacity or another. I love everything about it. I can’t imagine a time in my life when this place won’t leave my cheeks aching from sheer joy. This is another place that I CAN’T WAIT to take Rocket. I want to watch his eyes light up when the parade goes by, or to pull me along, with all the strength his little body can muster, just to be able to hug Mickey or whatever character may be passing by at the time. It’s going to be so awesome!!

6. Playing the piano: I could do this for hours. It is my solace when I am feeling overwhelmed or down. I find that I start to get very tense and stressed out if I go for a few days without playing. It can ease my mind faster than anything I have tried. Words can’t describe the joy I felt when I was given my grandmother’s piano. Granted I would much rather have her still around to hear me, but I know she is listening and I feel her there every time I sit down to play.

And now I would like to pass the Kretiv Blogging award onto the following people: Jess, Rachel, Julie, Miss Disgrace, Heather, and Nichi. Let’s have those favorites!

Another Revelation of My Love of Random Questionnaires.

This is from the 10 Second Interview feature on Facebook. I am in the process of de-terding my profile and thought I would share this before I deleted it from existence.

What’s your earliest memory? I was rushing down this long dark tunnel and I could hear all these people freakin’ out . . . actually I can’t remember that far back.

If you saw wet cement, what word would you write in it?

You can see my place, but don’t look in my… manhole.

What did you have for lunch yesterday? A Reuben sandwich.

Would you rather own a dog named Growler or a parrot named Captain? Is the parrot Captain of the SS Potty Mouth?

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Your mom.

If you were coated in jelly, what flavor would you prefer? KY…er I mean grape.

When the world ends, I will be… at the restaurant at the end of the Universe.

What makes you smile? People falling down.

Where would you like to go on vacation? New York

Hello, Hi, or Hey? Howdy howdy howdy.

Have you ever been to Narnia? Your mom’s from Narnia.

What’s your favorite candy? Today it’s Whoppers.

My power animal is… the Liger.

Where was sexy before Justin Timberlake brought it back? Detroit.

My friends would shocked if they knew… my true identity. DA DA DA DAAAAAA!

If you were to discover that the roof was on fire, what would you do (for example, seek water)? Call up the Bloodhound Gang and tell them I have a great idea for a new hit song. Oh wait, some one did that, already. Well, shit.

If I woke up as the opposite sex, I’d… be really pissed at the violation in my pants. What am I supposed to do with all this stuff?

Pardon my… potty mouth. I was raised by sailors. We only live by one rule and that’s the rule of the sea.

What do you think you’ll name your kids? Clydetta Brown and Gunther Yunker

What is the most useful class you’ve taken? How to Turn One Million Dollars in Real Estate in to Seventy-Five Dollars Cash.

The best ride at Disneyland is… The Tower of Terror.

No matter how badly I needed the money, I’d never… sell you on the black market.

Skirts, shorts, or skorts? Skorts are like the mullets of clothing.

I’d like to be captain on a manned mission to… Uranus.

I thnk they should legalize… multiple use of the lower case “i’.

Early riser or night owl? Both

I collect… collections of collections.

Wal-Mart is… hell on Earth

What’s your porn name?

If I wrote the script for a porno, I’d title it… Makin’ Milkshakes with Mary Muffmuncher

Why did you add the 10 Second Interview application? Because I am a total narcissist.

I read ‘Playboy’ for the… hot chicks.

My comfort food is… grilled tuna fish sandwich and tomato soup.

What’s your magic word? ALA PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES . . .it’s more of a phrase.

How do you like your coffee? Ridiculously hot.

I’m the best at… Tetris. It’s a sad skill. . .but true.

What’s your favorite kids’ cereal? Lucky Charms

What movie could you watch over and over again? Young Frankenstein

When they write my obituary, I hope they mention… me.

I’d describe my sense of humor as… sick. Very very sick.

I shower in the… nude.

I am the eggman. They are the eggmen. I am… the eggman. I just told you that.

If I had to jump from the top of a building, I’d prefer to land in… less than two seconds….get it? I wouldn’t have to fall that far.

What was your first live concert? The Jets. Yeah, buddy. That’s right. Give me a break; I was seven.

Do you typically bring da noise, da funk, or da jell-o salad? I carried a watermelon.

I will dedicate my life to the invention of… sandwich bag free moon boots.

There’s something fishy about… tuna.

If I were a super hero, my super suit would be made out of… Super hero spandex that randomly bursts into flames. Hey; gotta keep myself on my toes!

I’m reminded of home whenever… I hear someone laugh.

Lights on or off? For what and when?

When do you normally go to bed? After Jeremy wakes me up from the movie and tells me it is time to go to sleep.

Make up a new word right now: Pusster – imagine a cat/lobster hybrid.

I’d say that vegetables are… a waste of space on the food pyramid.

Make up a fact about penguins right now: Underneath that tuxedo like exterior is a naked penguin.

My backpack/purse/wallet contains the following surprising things: A rock that looks like a guitar pick, a pressed penny with Tinkerbell on it from Disneyland, a book, and single of Ghost of Tom Joad by Rage Against the Machine.

Why does paper beat rock? Same reason X is for Xylophone. Because X is ALWAYS for xylophone.

What is your biggest fear? Losing Jeremy.

Where is Waldo? If he was up your butt you’d know.

What would you do if you could be invisible? Randomly swat people upside the head. Like when they are taking too long with the bank teller, or when they decide what they want to order AT the register instead of the WHOLE time they were waiting in line.

I’m down with… the syndrome.

What would your Patronus be? Albus’s Dumbledore

A little bit country or a little bit rock and roll? There is up to no country in this girl.

What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth? Smile real real big.

In heaven, I bet they’ll have… no waiting for any ride at Disneyland.

Excuse me while I… WHIP THIS OUT!

I feel naked without my… clothes on.

Ah! To be young and… big boobed!

I like to put mayo on… the inside of the garbage can. I hate that shit.

If you had your own army of 1000 identical five year olds, what would you have them do? Color the shit out of something.

Would you rather live in a haunted house or ride a haunted horse? Does the haunted horse vibrate?

What always makes you smile, no matte how bad a day you’re having? The random removal of the letter “R”

Batman or Superman? As is “Who would kick whose ass”? Or “Who would you rather have printed on the front of your Underoos”?

Thank you. That concludes this episode of “HEY LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!”

Quick Update

I went to the doctor’s today to begin my weekly crotch ramming. At least that was how it felt when the doctor was checking my cervix. Shit that was uncomfortable. Anyways, Rocket as apparently dropped and is all nice and cozy with his head in my pelvis. This is a huge relief. The doctor thought for a while that he might be breech. Not the case. Phew!

I was very shocked, though, to find out that he had dropped. When the hell did that happen?! I haven’t noticed any difference in the way I am carrying him and I certainly haven’t experience this “lightening” bullshit that everyone talks about. I still can’t breathe worth a shit. Sometimes I swear the kid has one hand around each of my lungs and randomly squeezes them for entertainment.

Then she (Yes; I refuse to go to a male gyno. You don’t have a cooter, you don’t have me as your patient.) asks if I have been having any contractions. I say that I have no idea. I don’t have any idea what they are supposed to feel like. She says, “Well it seems that you are having one right now.” Of course, I reply in complete shock, “Really?! I don’t feel anything!” Then she points how that my stomach is really tight. I always just figured that was Rocket trying to blast his way out of my stomach. Seems I may have been having this happen for a while now and I didn’t even know it! Is this normal? I just keep thinking about all the shows I have seen where pregnant women are portrayed and at that first contraction you would think someone had shoved a welding torch up their ass. What is up with that?

Anyways, looks like things are right on schedule. And I am currently panicking and rejoicing at the same time. It’s a very weird feeling.

On a more festive note, I love all the entries to the contest. They are awesome! My pumpkin, sadly, no longer resembles the Dark Lord. Looks more like the Dark Lord trying to bust a grumpy*. Oh well. At least I got a cool picture.

*take a shit.

Gotta Take a Hiatus…

which for me will probably mean I will blog only once every few days, instead of a few times every day.

It is getting down to the wire with this kid, and I have so many preparations to make it is not even funny. That being said, I will be sort of M.I.A. for the next little while.

I hope all you lovely readers are still around when I get back to doing this more regularly, again.


Everyday Life – Pumpkins

I submitted my photos to Badass’s contest yesterday. I am really excited to see all the entries. Good luck to everyone!!

I think the real contest will be to see how long my pumpkin lasts on our front porch before some jackass smashes it in the street.


Pronunciation: ’ā-tē • ’tü • ’fif-tē

8.jpg Times I had to get up to pee between the hours of 11PM and 1AM. Sweet. This is going to cost us a fortune in toilet paper.

2.jpg New books I started this week.

5.jpg Weeks until Rocket it pretty much ready for launch.

0.jpg Hours I have spent on my pumpkin for the contest. Damn it! I need to get crackin’!

Everyday Life – Silly Email With Husband

From: Jeremy
Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2008 2:55 PM
To: Susan
Subject: There is…

…a treat for you in the fridge here if you want it.

Please feel free to call if you have any questions.



From: Susan
Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2008 2:56 PM
To: Jeremy
Subject: RE: There is…

Huh! Thanks!!! What is it? What is it?!

By the way, do you have a lesson tonight? I didn’t notice any of your stuff.

Also, if you can, please send me The Clincher.

And finally, I love you :).

From: Jeremy
Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2008 3:44 PM
To: Susan
Subject: RE: There is…

Your questions/issues answered/addressed in order:

1.) It is an apple from RMCF. It is unfortunately not the one you are used to because they are out of those, but it is a Key Lime Pie one.

2.) Like I said, it is an apple from RMCF. It is unfortunately not the one you are used to because they are out of those, but it is a Key Lime Pie one.

3.) No, I do not have a lesson tonight. Tod is at Disneyland.

4.) I can, here it is.

Thank you for your time,

From: Susan
Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2008 4:00 PM
To: Jeremy
Subject: RE: There is…

Responses to your answers.

1) Oooh yum! That’s ok. I like those.
2) As I said, I like those. And Annie would be so jealous.
3) Bastard.
4) Thanks!!