Another Revelation of My Love of Random Questionnaires.

This is from the 10 Second Interview feature on Facebook. I am in the process of de-terding my profile and thought I would share this before I deleted it from existence.

What’s your earliest memory? I was rushing down this long dark tunnel and I could hear all these people freakin’ out . . . actually I can’t remember that far back.

If you saw wet cement, what word would you write in it?

You can see my place, but don’t look in my… manhole.

What did you have for lunch yesterday? A Reuben sandwich.

Would you rather own a dog named Growler or a parrot named Captain? Is the parrot Captain of the SS Potty Mouth?

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Your mom.

If you were coated in jelly, what flavor would you prefer? KY…er I mean grape.

When the world ends, I will be… at the restaurant at the end of the Universe.

What makes you smile? People falling down.

Where would you like to go on vacation? New York

Hello, Hi, or Hey? Howdy howdy howdy.

Have you ever been to Narnia? Your mom’s from Narnia.

What’s your favorite candy? Today it’s Whoppers.

My power animal is… the Liger.

Where was sexy before Justin Timberlake brought it back? Detroit.

My friends would shocked if they knew… my true identity. DA DA DA DAAAAAA!

If you were to discover that the roof was on fire, what would you do (for example, seek water)? Call up the Bloodhound Gang and tell them I have a great idea for a new hit song. Oh wait, some one did that, already. Well, shit.

If I woke up as the opposite sex, I’d… be really pissed at the violation in my pants. What am I supposed to do with all this stuff?

Pardon my… potty mouth. I was raised by sailors. We only live by one rule and that’s the rule of the sea.

What do you think you’ll name your kids? Clydetta Brown and Gunther Yunker

What is the most useful class you’ve taken? How to Turn One Million Dollars in Real Estate in to Seventy-Five Dollars Cash.

The best ride at Disneyland is… The Tower of Terror.

No matter how badly I needed the money, I’d never… sell you on the black market.

Skirts, shorts, or skorts? Skorts are like the mullets of clothing.

I’d like to be captain on a manned mission to… Uranus.

I thnk they should legalize… multiple use of the lower case “i’.

Early riser or night owl? Both

I collect… collections of collections.

Wal-Mart is… hell on Earth

What’s your porn name?

If I wrote the script for a porno, I’d title it… Makin’ Milkshakes with Mary Muffmuncher

Why did you add the 10 Second Interview application? Because I am a total narcissist.

I read ‘Playboy’ for the… hot chicks.

My comfort food is… grilled tuna fish sandwich and tomato soup.

What’s your magic word? ALA PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES . . .it’s more of a phrase.

How do you like your coffee? Ridiculously hot.

I’m the best at… Tetris. It’s a sad skill. . .but true.

What’s your favorite kids’ cereal? Lucky Charms

What movie could you watch over and over again? Young Frankenstein

When they write my obituary, I hope they mention… me.

I’d describe my sense of humor as… sick. Very very sick.

I shower in the… nude.

I am the eggman. They are the eggmen. I am… the eggman. I just told you that.

If I had to jump from the top of a building, I’d prefer to land in… less than two seconds….get it? I wouldn’t have to fall that far.

What was your first live concert? The Jets. Yeah, buddy. That’s right. Give me a break; I was seven.

Do you typically bring da noise, da funk, or da jell-o salad? I carried a watermelon.

I will dedicate my life to the invention of… sandwich bag free moon boots.

There’s something fishy about… tuna.

If I were a super hero, my super suit would be made out of… Super hero spandex that randomly bursts into flames. Hey; gotta keep myself on my toes!

I’m reminded of home whenever… I hear someone laugh.

Lights on or off? For what and when?

When do you normally go to bed? After Jeremy wakes me up from the movie and tells me it is time to go to sleep.

Make up a new word right now: Pusster – imagine a cat/lobster hybrid.

I’d say that vegetables are… a waste of space on the food pyramid.

Make up a fact about penguins right now: Underneath that tuxedo like exterior is a naked penguin.

My backpack/purse/wallet contains the following surprising things: A rock that looks like a guitar pick, a pressed penny with Tinkerbell on it from Disneyland, a book, and single of Ghost of Tom Joad by Rage Against the Machine.

Why does paper beat rock? Same reason X is for Xylophone. Because X is ALWAYS for xylophone.

What is your biggest fear? Losing Jeremy.

Where is Waldo? If he was up your butt you’d know.

What would you do if you could be invisible? Randomly swat people upside the head. Like when they are taking too long with the bank teller, or when they decide what they want to order AT the register instead of the WHOLE time they were waiting in line.

I’m down with… the syndrome.

What would your Patronus be? Albus’s Dumbledore

A little bit country or a little bit rock and roll? There is up to no country in this girl.

What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth? Smile real real big.

In heaven, I bet they’ll have… no waiting for any ride at Disneyland.

Excuse me while I… WHIP THIS OUT!

I feel naked without my… clothes on.

Ah! To be young and… big boobed!

I like to put mayo on… the inside of the garbage can. I hate that shit.

If you had your own army of 1000 identical five year olds, what would you have them do? Color the shit out of something.

Would you rather live in a haunted house or ride a haunted horse? Does the haunted horse vibrate?

What always makes you smile, no matte how bad a day you’re having? The random removal of the letter “R”

Batman or Superman? As is “Who would kick whose ass”? Or “Who would you rather have printed on the front of your Underoos”?

Thank you. That concludes this episode of “HEY LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!”

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4 Responses

  1. Your mom goes to college.

  2. This had to have taken you more than 10 seconds to write! I laughed aloud more times than I can even remember. That’s a very unique survey.
    BTW, I gave you award, so come by the moonspun site when you can have another ME ME ME post!
    I can’t wait to hear you post about motherhood!

  3. Nice, very nice! Those were tough questions.

  4. Can we talk about the term “tuna fish”. I HATE when people say that. Like … why do you do that? (That ‘you’ is a universal ‘you’ … but maybe you CAN esplain it because you said it too.)

    Like, all Tuna are fish. Do we need to add their species/genus/phylum when ordering a tuna sandwich so as to differentiate between the Tuna bird sandwiches and the hot Tuna cat paninis? I mean, IT’S UNNECESSARY!! Unlearn that please. Right this second!

    xoxo,
    me

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