Ollie Ollie Oxen Free

OK so I know the actual phrase when conceding to those not found in a game of Hide and Seek is, “All Ye, All Ye, All Come Free,” but as I child I thought it was the said title of this post. Don’t ask me what oxen have to do with hide and seek. I have no idea.

It is time for all you people who visit this site, but never comment, to step forth and reveal your secret identities. I will make this easy for you, in case some of you haven’t commented because you don’t know what to say. I am giving you five easy questions to respond to.

1. Do you have a blog? If so, what is it?

2. How did you come upon this lovely collection of posts?

3. Name one movie, book, or song, that you would recommend based on the things you have read here.

4. Who’s your daddy?

5. What is your favorite post, from this blog, so far?

Please do not be shy. No one will bite, here. I love hearing from all my readers. It makes me happy that you read my crazy drivel.

Please post your answers in the comments.

(If you are a regular commenter, feel free to answer these, as well, if you would like.)

My Friend and I Have the BEST Conversations

The name of said friend has been removed since the opening line of the email is a bit on the personal side.

To: Sus
From: Friend
Subject: It Burns!!!

Friend We are still on for tonight for sure, but I have a UTI. It sucks. I think I got it from having to use stupid condoms!

Me UGH! That is awful. I am still good for tonight. Unless your cooter catches on fire!

Friend If it does, you can put it out with a gush. LOL Eeeeeewwwwwww!

Me Hahahah sick. Then people will be like, “Why does it smell like hot amniotic fluid and burnt hair?!”

Friend And finally we would have a whole place to ourselves!

Me BBWWWWWAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAH! But then again, would we really want to hang out in the stench of charred curlies and placenta puddles?

Friend Yeah, we would just hold fresh cups of coffee under our noses.

Me Oh yes of course. BRILLIANT!


Pronunciation: ’ā-tē • ’tü • ’fif-tē

8.jpg Days left until my “last day” of work!

2.jpg Weeks EXACTLY until Rocket’s due date. Can you believe it?! Where the hell did the time go?

5.jpg Number of days my right hand has had the “pins and needles” sensation. I read that some women can develop carpal tunnel syndrome during pregnancy. I think I may be one of the lucky winners. Awesome. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, so I will ask about it then. Let’s hope it’s just some sort of fluke.

0.jpg Amount of time I should really be spending typing this up. But fuck it. I can’t concentrate with all this random crap floating around my head, so I might as well get it out, right?!

Your Gorgeous, Baby. Simply Gorgeous!

Just a few silly photos taken with Zen Goddess’s webcam. Let’s just hope that Rocket takes after his father in the looks department.

Dear lord, I look like Dan Marino and Kaa’s love child.

If I were to ever have a bobble head doll made of myself, this is definitely the picture I would submit as reference.

The tiny pointed head helps to take the focus up and away from the ENORMOUS CHEST!

Can you say “Up the Down Steriod“?!

What Are the Chances?!

I am not one for believing in this kind of mumbo jumbo, but look at the fortunes that Jeremy and I got with our food today.



How funny is that!

Everday Life – T Shirt

Just bought this for Rocket. I think this says “First Day of Kindergarten” all over it!

Alright, alright…shut up already.

I know this is my third post for the day, but I keep getting distracted by this, so I might as well deal with it and move on. Right?

Today I thought I would share with you my favorite google searches that have led to this site. I know this is totally hoarding in on the genius of Badass and Miss Grace, but come on people…share the wealth.

As of today, these are some of the navigational means that have tracked me down in this crazy world called the internet.

crying midget I know little buddy. I know. It’s ok. Here have a cookie….I’ll just leave it up here on the counter for you.

gay midget cowboy I think this is why the first midget is so upset. His cowboy road off into the sunset.

vag pubes I have a feeling this person was mildly disappointed with the results of this search. Sorry buddy. No pussy Polaroids here.

can having morning sickness get you out Out of what? Out of jail? Out of having to do housework? Out of having to fill your shift at Golden Trails? Sorry, honey. I don’t think so.