Everyday Life – Any Resemblance?

Me at age 5.


We Represent The Lollipop Guild!

Apparently I have a small (heh heh) place in my heart for midgets. These are all the little (ha…ok last time, I swear) searches that have brought people to this blog.

crying midget – I think this person may have been looking for a cheaper alternative to an organ grinder’s monkey. Midgets also throw less poo.

italian midgets – I wonder if this search also brought up links to Joe Pesci and Ralph Macchio?

nude midget – Sadly, this person was trying to find an image of a penis, larger than his, to use as his avatar on Match.com.

midget in thong – Do you really want to see that?

gay midget cowboy – Here you go.

midgets and christmas lights – Ah! Two different kinds of holiday magic….also known as elves.

shitting midgets – As in midgets that are shitting or one who is shitting midgets? If the latter, I think you should seek medical attention.

midgets on a bike – I think this is the same person that was searching for the “crying midget.” Once again, they just illustrate what a cheap bastard they are when it comes to finding birthday party entertainment.

Disclaimer: No midgets were physically harmed in the writing of this post.

Spransy Quote of the Day

” If I roll La Chaim, you owe me five bucks.”

– said by my nephew, Rily, to my brother, Pete, while playing with a dreidel he found among the Christmas decorations.

101 Uses For Fruitcake – #69 (Heh Heh).

While we have yet to construct the annual gingerbread houses of doom, here is a little sampling of the holiday fun that is to come!

Everyday Life – Rocket and Me

Spransy Quote of the Day

Conversation that occurred after learning the name of my mom’s fellow teacher, Mr. Sprunt.

Dad: Isn’t that a feminine hygiene product?

Jeremy: Is that hyphenated?

Dad: I think it’s hymen-ated.

This Goes Out to LilSass

This is the look of someone about to shit their pants.

Christmas Confessions

First of all I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa…whatever it may be that you celebrate this holiday season. I am excited that we get to celebrate Rocket’s first Christmas so soon after his birth. Granted I realize that this holiday will be more for our entertainment than Rocket’s, but that doesn’t mean we can’t buy him little gifts and fill up a tiny stocking for him.

But anyways, on to the answers to the questions from last week’s post.

Jess from Zoe asks: “What should I write about on my blog since my creative juices are all being funneled into the Etsy shop at the moment?”

Why don’t you write about how your experience with Etsy is going? If this is what is on your mind these days, why not share it? Blogging doesn’t have to be about being funny or witty or creative all the time. Blogging is about life. So, if Etsy is where it is at, let’s hear all about it!

And who knows…maybe you will inspire me to get off my butt and actually start my Etsy shop. I have only progressed so far as creating a banner.

Badass Geek wants to know: You do know that they make chocolate bacon, right? (This may not have been an intentional question from Badass, but I am answering it anyways.)

Oh yes. Yes I do.

Rachel, my lovely friend since 3rd grade, is curious: Snow: Love it? Hate it? And what are your top three reasons for feeling this way?

I would have to say, a little of both. So I will give my three reasons for each.

Love it:
1. The first snow, when everything is white, and clean.
2. The way the world seems to get this awed hush when it snows at night, under the starry sky.
3. During Christmas. There is something so magical about Christmas lights casting their glow through a layer of snow.

Hate it:
1. After it has been around for a few days and it looks all gray and dingy.
2. When I have to scrape it off my car. Especially when it is windy and all my efforts at snow removal seem futile.
3. Come about February. I am so over it by then, and I know I still have about 2 more months to go.

Ashley asks the ridiculous question: Why don’t you like Seinfeld? Top three different reasons please.

I would have thought the obvious, BECAUSE IT SUCKS ASS!, would be a good enough answer. But, Ashley is looking for a little more. So…

1. The characters are like wet sand in my underwear. So. Damn. Annoying. They are NOT funny. They make me want to punch a baby. And you know that is bad, now that I am a mom.

2. Every attempt I have made to give this terd another chance ends with this scenario: Me looking at the person I am with with an expression of, “Seriously? We wasted 30 minutes on that?” on my face, and them saying, “Well, that wasn’t one of the funny ones.”

Fuck. I must have seen EVERY “not so funny” episodes of Seinfeld that there are!

3. Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer. The End.

The thing that irritates me the most, is that people, my husband included, say that my sense of humor is just like the show. NO. No it’s not! I think the only person who truly understand my pain is Cartman.

My beautiful, amazing, sister, Jennifer Jennifer Crotch Crotch poses an interesting question: Would you rather be strapped to the top of a bus driving cross country in a blizzard OR shove a Charlie Brown Christmas tree up your ass, slowly?

It is very possible that I may not have a choice in which I would rather participate. The reason I would be strapped to the top of a bus, driving cross country in a blizzard, is because I HAVE slowly shoved a Charlie Brown Christmas tree up my ass and no longer fit inside the said bus.

Lola, the Sassiest Mama of all, asks: Can you get your rings back on yet?

The only ring I wear is my wedding ring; but, yes! Yes I can! I did have to endure a bit of pain in order to shove it over my still swollen knuckle but, I was determined to get that son of a bitch back on if it killed me.

The, hopefully, rapidly recovering Moonspun wants to know: What surprised you most about giving birth to Rocket? I feel I should clarify. I mean the actual birth, the physical part of it. Not becoming a mom. That’s ongoing!

This may sound silly, but I was the most surprised when they laid this tiny little person on my chest. It was like I couldn’t grasp the concept that this child came out of me. Even though I watched while I pushed and felt my stomach sort of deflate as they helped pull him out. That was the strangest sensation! I kept rubbing my stomach, afterwords. I couldn’t comprehend that the little alien that had been rolling around in me, all those months, was now staring me in the face.

And finally Badass Geek poses another very important question.Will you expose Rocket to the wonders of Metallica at a young age, or will you wait until he’s old enough to fully appreciate the music?

We start ’em young around here. He has been listening to Metallica since he was in the womb. It actually calms him down, now, because it has a bit of familiarity to it.

That concluded this month’s revelations. Have a safe holiday, mmmkay.


Pronunciation: ’ā-tē • ’tü • ’fif-tē

8.jpg Nicknames we call our son, in addition to Rocket.

Ollie Poop
O Pants
Monkey (this is the one I call him the most).
Honey Bear
Cute Little Fucker
Little Guy

2.jpg Cute pictures of Rocket. I hope you people aren’t getting sick of these. I don’t imagine the photos and bragging are going to stop anytime, soon.

Tubby Time!

Tubby Time!

Fight the Power!

Fight the Power!

5.jpgPounds left to lose before I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Woo hoo! Although I don’t think this is going anywhere soon, as I am pretty sure this is the current weight of my boobs.

0.jpg Number of times Rocket managed to not puke down my back while trying to burp him, today. That’s fun.

In Which I Make a Special Announcement.

Rocket rolled over for the first time, yesterday!

We are so proud :).