Rocket is going to be two weeks old, tomorrow. Already, time is passing to quickly. It has made me quite sad, to tell you the truth. Before we know it, he is going to be asking for the car keys and breaking curfew. He is not going to be my little boy anymore. And it is breaking my heart. I am trying to accept the fact that there is no stopping this. He is going to grow up. But I didn’t imagine that from moment to moment he would look different, be different. I am going to have the hardest time leaving him in someone elses care, for the first time. I don’t want to miss any part of his life.
He is such a great baby. I can’t believe how in love with him we are. It still blows me away that we have a son. I don’t feel like a mom. I don’t really feel any different. Was I expecting to? I don’t know. Maybe I was, without even realizing it. And I think because of this, I have been going through a sort of mourning period. I miss it being just Jeremy and I. Just saying that makes me feel like the biggest piece of shit. This in no way means that I would give up Rocket for ANYTHING. I just wasn’t expecting to feel this sort of loss. And I am not really sure how to deal with it.
Jeremy and I have talked about this, and he is so loving and so supportive. I have expressed worry that I have not giving him the attention I should be and that I worry that he may feel like he has been replaced. He has reassured me again and again that he knows that I love him and that he loves the way I am caring for our son. I guess this is just going to take time. Ironic, eh? The one thing I need to get into a new rhythm, is the one thing I want to stand still.
Filed under: Rigatoni Rocket |