Long Time No, Write, Eh?

Rocket is going to be two weeks old, tomorrow. Already, time is passing to quickly. It has made me quite sad, to tell you the truth. Before we know it, he is going to be asking for the car keys and breaking curfew. He is not going to be my little boy anymore. And it is breaking my heart. I am trying to accept the fact that there is no stopping this. He is going to grow up. But I didn’t imagine that from moment to moment he would look different, be different. I am going to have the hardest time leaving him in someone elses care, for the first time. I don’t want to miss any part of his life.

He is such a great baby. I can’t believe how in love with him we are. It still blows me away that we have a son. I don’t feel like a mom. I don’t really feel any different. Was I expecting to? I don’t know. Maybe I was, without even realizing it. And I think because of this, I have been going through a sort of mourning period. I miss it being just Jeremy and I. Just saying that makes me feel like the biggest piece of shit. This in no way means that I would give up Rocket for ANYTHING. I just wasn’t expecting to feel this sort of loss. And I am not really sure how to deal with it.

Jeremy and I have talked about this, and he is so loving and so supportive. I have expressed worry that I have not giving him the attention I should be and that I worry that he may feel like he has been replaced. He has reassured me again and again that he knows that I love him and that he loves the way I am caring for our son. I guess this is just going to take time. Ironic, eh? The one thing I need to get into a new rhythm, is the one thing I want to stand still.

9 Responses

  1. This is all so normal. And I have found that now when Venice is almost two Bryan and I seem to have more time together. Once Oliver gets onto a good sleeping schedule it helps. As I always say don’t feel bad for your feelings because they are completely normal. Having a child changes your whole life and it does go by so fast! Although I would not mind skipping past potty training and the terrible two’s maybe. lol

  2. Oh gosh that almost makes me cry too! It’s so sweet. And that’s the sad reality. It’s sad that they change so fast but it’s great when a few months from now he’s not as permanently attached to your body, always in your bed with you etc etc. Why can’t we have it both ways?!
    It’s funny you say you don’t feel different – when I had Dante, my ex & I were talking about taking him home and saying how strange it felt that theyw ere just going to give us the baby and let us walk out of the hospital… like we were parents or had ANY clue what we were doing. HAHAHA! Crazy fools! Yeah and it still kinda felt like that 8 years later with Noah. lol

  3. Wow, you sound EXACTLY like my wife in the weeks after our son was born. I know what you mean though on all accounts. The day-to-day changes are so startling and time passes in the blink of an eye. But some days I sit and long for the freedom of my “former life.” It’s only natural.

    Just keep on keepin’ on and enjoy him! You’re doing a great job.

  4. What’s amazing about being a parent is you have to enjoy the journey. Watching your son grow up will be a privilege and they do grow so fast when they are young. I remember looking at lil moonspun (and sometimes still do) in the morning and thinking she had change overniight. The thing is that you have to appreciate being on the journey with them, not wish for the journey to stop.
    It sounds like you have a great husband in Jeremy. Trust what he says. It IS different, but acknowledging it important.
    Congrats again to you all!

  5. It takes a while to get past missing your old life, but you will. There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way. It’s normal!

    It does go fast, but there’s always something great that comes with each new stage. Just try to enjoy!

  6. See? You’re normal!

    Give Rocket a hug for me, the cute little devil.

  7. It’ll work itself out, and you’ll wonder why you were so worried. And the time doesn’t go by nearly as fast as you think it’s going to. Especially if you have more children after Oliver.

    When you mentioned that you are going to have a hard time leaving him with someone else, did you just mean for a night out, or are you planning to go back to work?

  8. Congrats on the baby! So wonderful!

  9. Susan, I just love you so much. I can only imagine the many changes you are going through and I wish I could say something meaningful that would help you. But I’m not good at that stuff, I usually say the wrong thing. But I am good at being a friend if you need one, and I would love to come up and see you and hang out if you ever need someone around. Love you.

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