It’s the “I Can’t Think of Anything Else to Write” Survey of the Day!

# Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
“The whole place looked as if the inspiration had been to spend a couple hundred thousand on the interior without looking pretentious, although that is no great sum for a thirteen-room co-op, of course. . . Imagine explaining all that to the Black Panthers.”

# Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?
Jeremy’s office chair, the scanner/fax machine, my cd case of saved photographs, my filing tray, and your mom’s titties.

# Before you started this survey, what were you doing?
Responding to an email.

# What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Challenge on the Food Network. I am addicted to that channel.

# With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Rocket’s baby monitor, the clock ticking, and your shocked gasp as you read that I can reach your mom’s titties.

# When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About 3 hours ago. I was heading out to lunch with Rocket.

# When did you last laugh?
Last night. I was hanging out with my family, so it was inevitable!

# Do you remember why / at what?
The randomness that is my family would take far too long to convey. But if you want a sampling, just read the Spransy Quote of the Day.

# What is on the walls of the room you are in?
A whiteboard calendar and a clock.

# Seen anything weird lately?
Just your mom’s titties.

# What is the last film you saw?
Most recently released film was “Twilight” which sucked ass. Last movie, in general, that I watched was “Mary Poppins” which kicks ass.

# If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
Anywhere that is near to my family.

# If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A house for each of my friends and family. Oh and a boob job for your mom’s titties.

# Tell me something about you that most people don’t know.
I go into semi-shock if I injure my hands in any way.

# Do you like to dance?
I like the night life. I like to boogie.

# Would you ever consider living abroad?
Absolutely.

# Does your name make any interesting anagrams?
Chained Sundials
Launches Disdain
A Danish Includes

# Who made the last incoming call on your phone?
Jeremy

# What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
Alexi Murdoch – Time Without Consequence

# Last time you swam in a pool?
September in Curacao

# Type of music you like most?
Hmmm….in general I would probably say rock music.

# Type of music you dislike most?
Country. Gag.

# Are you listening to music right now?
Yes. Little Girls – Robert Francis.

# What color is your bedroom carpet?
I think it’s called Faun or something lame like that. It’s a light beige color.

# If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?
I would expand the kitchen a little so there is more space around the island.

# What was the last thing you bought?
Panties…RRRRAOOOORR. (I said that word just to gross out LilSass..although that really is what I purchased.)

# Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?
Can’t say that I have.

# Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
It is highly unlikely as I have a great fear of falling. Not really conducive to either activity.

# Do you have a garden?
I have a newborn. What do you think?

# Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Of course. Don’t you, you commie?

# What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
It used to be “Ok. What the fuck am I going to wear today?” Now it’s, “Time to feed Rocket.”

# If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?
It would have been Madeleine Kahn. But she’s dead.

# Who sent the last text message you received?
My sister, Karey.

# Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Barnes and Noble.

# What time is bed time?
Whenever I feel like it. I’m the adult here.

# Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
Fuck no. Although I am sure I would totally win the congeniality portion of the competition.

# How many tattoos do you have?
Up to and including no tattoos.

# What did you do for your last birthday?
Jeremy threw me a birthday dinner with a bunch of my friends.

# Do you carry a donor card?
Sure don’t. But I do think my organs are up for donation at the time of my death. Don’t recall.

# Who was the last person you ate dinner with?
My immediate and extended family.

# What’s the farthest-away place you’ve been?
Turkey.

# When’s the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
The last time I had a craving for something that tasted like ass.

# Have you ever won a trophy?
Yes. I won a little trophy for “The Craziest Hula Hooper,” when I was ten.

# Are you a good cook?
People tell me they like my cooking, so I guess so?

# Do you know how to pump your own gas?
I know how to pump your mom’s gas. I don’t even know what that means.

# If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?
Maya Angelou

# Do you touch-type?
I’m the type that will talk about touching your mom’s titties.

# What’s under your bed?
Monsters.

# What time do you get up?
Between 6:45 and 7:30AM

# What was the name of your first pet?
Pika.

# Who is the second to last person to call you?
My boss.

# Is there anything going on this weekend?
Yes! We are going to dinner at my friend, Amber’s, new house!!

# How are you feeling right now?
Guilty…for flaunting the tittie touching so much. I know you are jealous. Admit it.

# What do you think about the most?
Besides touching your mom’s titties?

# What time do you get up in the morning?
We already talked about this. YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!

# What do you do most when you are bored?
Eat candy or spend money. Sad but true.

# How many keys on your key ring?
Eight.

# Where would you retire to?
Santa Barbara

# What kind of car do you drive?
Honda Accord

# What are your best physical features?
I have no idea.

# If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
Disneyland. It’s sad, but true. I could say Paris, but that would just be a lie.

# What kind of books do you like to read?
The kind with words.

# Where did you grow up?
Utah

# How far away from your birthplace do you live now?
613 miles

# What are you reading now?
Parenting with Love and Logic
Here, There Be Dragons
The Year of Living Biblically: One Man’s Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible

# Are you a morning person or a night owl?
With a new baby, you kinda have to be both.

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5 Responses

  1. Well do me a favor and slap my mom around a little while she’s over there!

  2. “I know how to pump your mom’s gas. I don’t even know what that means.”

    You are the funniest bitch I know.
    I love you.

  3. Your surveys always leave me both pleasanty shocked and full of inappropriate giggles!

  4. We stayed in Santa Barbara for a week, and I loved it sooooo. Not as much as Monterey, but second best.

  5. Seriously, how do you make the most mundane stuff funny? You kill me…I love it. And thanks for mentioning my mom’s titties, repeatedly.

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