# Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
“The whole place looked as if the inspiration had been to spend a couple hundred thousand on the interior without looking pretentious, although that is no great sum for a thirteen-room co-op, of course. . . Imagine explaining all that to the Black Panthers.”
# Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?
Jeremy’s office chair, the scanner/fax machine, my cd case of saved photographs, my filing tray, and your mom’s titties.
# Before you started this survey, what were you doing?
Responding to an email.
# What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Challenge on the Food Network. I am addicted to that channel.
# With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Rocket’s baby monitor, the clock ticking, and your shocked gasp as you read that I can reach your mom’s titties.
# When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About 3 hours ago. I was heading out to lunch with Rocket.
# When did you last laugh?
Last night. I was hanging out with my family, so it was inevitable!
# Do you remember why / at what?
The randomness that is my family would take far too long to convey. But if you want a sampling, just read the Spransy Quote of the Day.
# What is on the walls of the room you are in?
A whiteboard calendar and a clock.
# Seen anything weird lately?
Just your mom’s titties.
# What is the last film you saw?
Most recently released film was “Twilight” which sucked ass. Last movie, in general, that I watched was “Mary Poppins” which kicks ass.
# If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
Anywhere that is near to my family.
# If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A house for each of my friends and family. Oh and a boob job for your mom’s titties.
# Tell me something about you that most people don’t know.
I go into semi-shock if I injure my hands in any way.
# Do you like to dance?
I like the night life. I like to boogie.
# Would you ever consider living abroad?
# Does your name make any interesting anagrams?
A Danish Includes
# Who made the last incoming call on your phone?
# What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
Alexi Murdoch – Time Without Consequence
# Last time you swam in a pool?
September in Curacao
# Type of music you like most?
Hmmm….in general I would probably say rock music.
# Type of music you dislike most?
# Are you listening to music right now?
Yes. Little Girls – Robert Francis.
# What color is your bedroom carpet?
I think it’s called Faun or something lame like that. It’s a light beige color.
# If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?
I would expand the kitchen a little so there is more space around the island.
# What was the last thing you bought?
Panties…RRRRAOOOORR. (I said that word just to gross out LilSass..although that really is what I purchased.)
# Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?
Can’t say that I have.
# Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
It is highly unlikely as I have a great fear of falling. Not really conducive to either activity.
# Do you have a garden?
I have a newborn. What do you think?
# Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Of course. Don’t you, you commie?
# What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
It used to be “Ok. What the fuck am I going to wear today?” Now it’s, “Time to feed Rocket.”
# If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?
It would have been Madeleine Kahn. But she’s dead.
# Who sent the last text message you received?
My sister, Karey.
# Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Barnes and Noble.
# What time is bed time?
Whenever I feel like it. I’m the adult here.
# Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
Fuck no. Although I am sure I would totally win the congeniality portion of the competition.
# How many tattoos do you have?
Up to and including no tattoos.
# What did you do for your last birthday?
Jeremy threw me a birthday dinner with a bunch of my friends.
# Do you carry a donor card?
Sure don’t. But I do think my organs are up for donation at the time of my death. Don’t recall.
# Who was the last person you ate dinner with?
My immediate and extended family.
# What’s the farthest-away place you’ve been?
# When’s the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
The last time I had a craving for something that tasted like ass.
# Have you ever won a trophy?
Yes. I won a little trophy for “The Craziest Hula Hooper,” when I was ten.
# Are you a good cook?
People tell me they like my cooking, so I guess so?
# Do you know how to pump your own gas?
I know how to pump your mom’s gas. I don’t even know what that means.
# If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?
# Do you touch-type?
I’m the type that will talk about touching your mom’s titties.
# What’s under your bed?
# What time do you get up?
Between 6:45 and 7:30AM
# What was the name of your first pet?
# Who is the second to last person to call you?
# Is there anything going on this weekend?
Yes! We are going to dinner at my friend, Amber’s, new house!!
# How are you feeling right now?
Guilty…for flaunting the tittie touching so much. I know you are jealous. Admit it.
# What do you think about the most?
Besides touching your mom’s titties?
# What time do you get up in the morning?
We already talked about this. YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!
# What do you do most when you are bored?
Eat candy or spend money. Sad but true.
# How many keys on your key ring?
# Where would you retire to?
# What kind of car do you drive?
# What are your best physical features?
I have no idea.
# If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
Disneyland. It’s sad, but true. I could say Paris, but that would just be a lie.
# What kind of books do you like to read?
The kind with words.
# Where did you grow up?
# How far away from your birthplace do you live now?
# Are you a morning person or a night owl?
With a new baby, you kinda have to be both.
Filed under: Questionnaires, Surveys, and Other Shit |