Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are!

I don’t know if I any of my readers are still around, but I figure it is time to start writing again. I stopped writing, because the things I have been dealing with are things that I didn’t want to write about on this blog. Not that I have ever really had a problem being open about just about anything, here. But I was in a place where I didn’t want to open myself up for advice or words of encouragement from just anybody. I don’t know if that makes any sense. I was in such a funk, that just the thought of someone giving me an “Oh honey…it’ll be okaayyy,” patronizing look of concern, made me want to wipe that fucking look right off their face. So I shared what I was dealing with with those that I felt could help me the most, and with whom I was okay to totally breakdown in front of.

I am really trying to have a better outlook on who I am becoming as a mother and as a new kind of wife. Let’s be honest, having a child has a HUGE affect on your marriage. Not in a bad way, necessarily, but it makes a relationship that was once so easy and carefree, into something that you really have to pay attention to, and make sure that it is getting the care and nurturing that it deserves. So much time is spent taking care of your child, that it is easy to overlook, or neglect to most important thing. The stability of the parents.

Nothing has happened to make me make those last comments. I have just become overly observant to how much care and effort is required to keep a relationship strong. I admire and applaud the marriages that have lasted and are happy and loving (that is key…a relationship can last and still be shit), especially in large families. I look up to you and hope to learn from your success.

I also realized that a huge reason that I have been so down, is simply because I am very lonely. Jeremy and I have a great relationship. But I need something outside of our relationship. Something tangible. Something that is just for me. The friendships I have made through this blog I cherish. But I can’t call up LilSass or Moonspun and say, “Let’s go grab some coffee,” or “Do you want to go see a show?” They are clear on the other side of the country. And yes, I have friends who live “close by,” but that is still a 30 minute drive to see them. Not really conducive for the spur of the moment hang out.

I was thinking the other day about how I need to make some friends in my neighborhood. And then I had a huge epiphany. I am SURROUNDED by family up here. My aunt and her family live less than 5 miles away, and my uncle and his family are no more than 10 miles away. I ran into my aunt the other day at the store, and it was so good to see her. I couldn’t believe how nice it was to see my family. I have decided to make an effort to spend more time with them. I don’t know if any of them read this blog, but if they do, I hope they are okay with that!

So many changes have occurred with Oliver in the few weeks that I was away. He is growing like a weed!! And he is so. fucking. cute! Good lord just look at him!

He is so smart! He rolls over from his back to his stomach, now. He can almost sit up by himself for brief moments. I think he may cut his first tooth very very soon. And my favorite thing of all…he talks!!! Well coos and gurgles. It’s not like we are discussing politics or anything. Who knows? Maybe in his mind we are. The politics of Dragon Tales and Zaboomafoo. We can carry on conversations and he sighs and squeels, giggles and screams. It is so awesome! I can’t get enough of it! And he is curious about everything. He reaches for everything, and watches everything with such an intense interest. I can’t wait until he can really start talking and I can really teach him about letters and numbers and how to tackle his dad. It is going to be so much fun!

I think that is a long enough post for now. I hope I haven’t lost to many of you while I was away. I look forward to catching up on your lives as well.

Word to your mother.

7 Responses

  1. Glad to have you back darling.

  2. Hey girl! Oh my god, I’d so love if it you called me up and we could go out for coffee, but damn it is really far!
    I am glad to have you back. I have been checking one a week or so and it’s hardly seemed like WEEKS that you were gone, but that could be my own reflection of how busy my own life has been !
    It’s hard to reach out when you feel like crap. I am glad you are working through your stuff. And you are right, good marriages need work…especially with kids involved.
    And damn if your son doesn’t have the most stunning eyes!

  3. Hope you enjoyed the break from blogging. =)

  4. Woot! Welcome back! Your little monkey is getting so god damn cute (or cuter is more like it)!

  5. He is growing fast!

    Glad to have you back.

  6. Well, you could always join the local Mommy & Me group and get a jump on the school/sports wolf pack scene 😉

    Nah, I didn’t think so. Glad you’re back and you’re feeling better. Cute kid!!

  7. Sad to hear it, but am so glad you are back. I have missed having such weekly reliable comic relief.

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