Today was our typical Sunday. Jeremy played golf with clients. Rocket and I played out in the beautiful sunshine, reading books and playing with various tupperware containers. When it became too toasty, and I worried about the little man getting too much sun, we moved inside and Rocket spent the next little while hanging out, contentedly, in his jumper.
Shortly after, Jer returned from the golf course, smiling as he looked upon our little guy. Bending down he comments, “Ew. Did he poo?”
“Probably,” I replied. “He was making the face, I need to change him.”
It is then that something odd caught my eye. A strange coloring underneath Rocket’s jumper. What is causing that? I wonder. Is that a reflection?
Oh dear god.
Rocket wasn’t just filling his shorts…he was overflowing them.
Underneath his jumper was a huge puddle of shit…that he had been JUMPING IN, unbeknownst to me.
It was all down the back of his leg, all over his feet, and in between his toes. It was AWFUL!!
After I stripped him down and bathed him, I headed off to the store to purchase some
matches carpet cleaner to remove to vile stain. On my way, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She LAUGHED HER ASS OFF, and then proceeded to tell me how to get it out of the carpet with baking soda.
“Are you speaking from experience?” I ask her.
So I turned back around to try the home remedy of baking soda shit remover. It took a good twenty minutes of scrubbing, and two rolls of paper towels, but I finally got the carpet clean.
According to my mom, I am officially a mom.
I guess that time when I shoved a kid out my vagina didn’t count.