44 Random

1. Do you like blue cheese?
In the trash, yes. In my mouth, no.

2. Have you ever been drunk?
Yes, but that was a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away.

3. Do you own a gun?
I owned a hot glue gun, once.

4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite?
The kind that required the addition of one cup of sugar.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Not usually. Depends on what it is for.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?

  • They are not of this planet
  • I prefer them on a bun with ketchup only
  • They would not make a good weapon
  • They should never be used as the meat in enchiladas

7. Favorite Christmas movie?
Twas the Night Before Christmas

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee, milk, soda, whatever is on hand.

9. Can you do push ups?
Yeah. On your face.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
My wedding ring.

11. Favorite hobby?
Reading, punching midgets, laughing at people falling down.

12. Do you have A.D.D.?
I don’t even know what…hey look a chicken!

13. What’s your favorite shoe?
The right one.

14. Middle name?
Diane

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1) I need a drink.
2) We should go to Barnes and Noble.
3) Itsy Bitsy Spider crawled up the water spout.

16. Name 3 things you regularly drink?
Milk, Diet Dr Pepper, Coffee

17. Current worry?
My boys. Want them to be happy, you know.

18. Current hate right now?
Choo Choo Soul

Seriously, what the fuck?

19. pepsi or coke?
Coke. Pepsi blows.

20. How did you ring in the New Year?
Rockin’ out with the family.

21. Where would you like to go?
You read this blog…take a wild guess.

22. Name three people who will complete this?
Your mom, your mom and your mom.

23. Do you own slippers?
Only for the purpose of swatting people across the face.

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now?
Pink

25. Do you like sleeping on Satin sheets?
Gross.

26. Can you whistle?
Let me just say, the Scorpions would be proud.

27. Favorite color?
Red

28. Would you be a pirate?
Don’t you mean, “Wood”? HAHAHAHA. Argh, she be a quick one, mateys!

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Personal narrations about what I am doing, to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

30. Favorite Girl’s Name?
Couldn’t say.

31. Favorite boy’s name?
Oliver, of course.

32. What’s in your pocket right now?
One hand.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
Oliver doing his spazztic hip thrust dance.

34. Best bed sheets as a child?
The ones that my mommy washed for me.

35. Worst injury you’ve ever had as a child?
I crushed my forehead against a steel bar and had to get stitches.

36. Do you love where you live?
Yes I do.

37. What did you want to be when you grew up?
An animator for Disney.

38. Who is your loudest friend?
Heather, definitely.

39. How many dogs do you have?
Not a one. And that’s the way it shall stay.

40. Does someone have a crush on you?
Besides, my husband? Doubt it.

41. What is your favorite book?
Siddhartha – Hermann Hesse

42. What is your favorite candy?
Toss up between Butterfinger, Sixlets, or Watchamacallit.

Which reminds me…one time when we were kids, my brother asked if I wanted him to get me a candy bar on his trip to Seven-Eleven.

Me: Yes, I would.

Pete: OK, what kind?

Me: A Watchamacallit.

Pete: I don’t know what that is.

Me: It’s a candy bar.

Pete: No shit. What’s its name?

Me: Watchamacallit.

Pete: JUST TELL ME WHAT IT IS!

Me: Just go to the Sev and see what you can come up with.

I really wasn’t trying to be a dickhead difficult, despite what Pete may have thought.

43. Favorite sports team?
Um….yeah….

44. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Candle in the Wind – The Princess Di Version or She’s Like the Wind by Patrick Swayze.

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The Ins and Outs

As of yesterday, Oliver has officially been out of my womb for as long as he was in it. Yep, Ollie’s 9 months old!! That’s only three months away from a year old. How did that happen?! In just three short months, I will have a one year old. I will stop referring to him in months when asked his age. (Perhaps not, though. I may continue doing this until he is at least out of high school. * Hypothetical Conversation* Oliver: “Mom, can I go out with (insert name of hot chick here) on Saturday?” Me: “Absolutely not, young man. Not until you are at least 192 months old!”)

I know my posts have become few and far between. You don’t have to tell me that. And why, you ask, have my blogging efforts become so fleeting? Let me tell you.

I apparently gave birth to a mountain goat-cheetah hybrid.

Oliver went from crawling to climbing, pulling himself up, and cruising all over everything in less than a month. Jeremy and I have been removed from our position as, “mom” and “dad,” and are now lovingly referred to as, “jungle” and “gym.” And our house would be the photo featured next to the article titled, “Not Childproof.” I am constantly pulling him away from the stairs, my books, the TV. He just barely missed dropping a toy inside one of our speakers before Jeremy caught him. It has been a nonstop project of moving CDs, blocking off areas to play in, shoving plastic covers into electrical outlets, and removing treasured novels from his lightening fast little mitts, before he completely destroys them.

Fortunately there is the other side of life with Oliver. The side where we are watching him learn and discover and grow, and not almost light himself on fire or snort that last line of coke. (I KID, I KID!) These are some of the recent skills he has attained:

  • Using the light switch to turn the lights on and off.
  • Feeding himself cheerios, small banana chunks, and whatever else he find on the floor before I catch him.
  • Pulling himself to a standing position, against the ottoman, where he chills out for a relaxing, educational episode of WordWorld.
  • Throwing his sippy cup on to the floor and laughing after mommy picks it up again and again AND AGAIN.
  • Flipping himself upside-down any chance he gets. He’s our little dare devil!
  • Turning the pages of his books when you read to him, which he loves! He will sit for hours (Or so I would guess. One can only read Dr. Seuss and PD Eastman for so long.) while you read to him.
  • Stretching his arms over his head when I say the phrase, “Sooooo big!”

Sadly, however, Oliver has stopped sleeping through the night. I think he is going through a serious, “OH MY GOD! MOMMY, DON’T LEAVE ME!” phase. He will only sleep in two hour stretches unless I am holding him or he is sleeping in our bed. So, one could say, it has been a rough, sleepless few months. If anyone has any pointers or suggestions, I am all ears. I started out using the Babywise method, but decided to tell that book and its philosophies to go fuck itself. I was really tired of listening to Oliver scream himself to sleep every night and hated that I had wasted all those months when I could have, nay SHOULD HAVE, been rocking him to sleep. So now we are back at square one. Oye vey.

Things with my past job have finally come to a close, so I am now free to speak about that. Back in April, the company I was working for, eliminated my postion and replaced it with a part-time in the office position. As you may recall I was working from home so that we didn’t have to put Ollie in daycare. The two main reasons for avoiding daycare, I think anyone could guess.

1. It’s expensive as fuck.
2. We don’t want some 18 year old floozy raising our child during his fundamental years. We’ll save the floozy for later.

Anyways, long story short, they offered me the part-time position, which I declined. First of all, working FULL-TIME, my entire paycheck would have gone to paying for daycare. How in the hell did you expect me to pay for daycare on half the pay and no benefits. Go suck a goat. So, after we parted ways (on very good terms, I might add! My boss even offered to give me a good reference if needed. This fact will be important later on.), I immediately applied for unemployment.

Well, I was denied. Why, do you ask? Because my employer told Workforce Services that I was fired!! WH-WH-WHAAT?!!! I was furious!! Okay, actually I was more disgusted than anything. My boss is a bishop in the Mormon religion (that’s a very important calling, for those not in the know. Equivalent to a priest or a rabbi, I would believe.), and he flat out lied. I was flabbergasted. Of course, I appealed their decision, went through the whole court hearing shebang and DA DA DA DA!!! was denied yet again. So whatever, fuck them, I don’t care anymore, moving on.

I love being able to stay home with Oliver. It has definitely been an adjustment becoming a single income family, but we are making it work. And I can’t express enough to Jeremy how grateful I am that he is taking on such a huge burden to enable me to stay home to raise our son. It means more to me than he will ever know. Truth be told, I don’t miss working for that place at. all. It was “punch yourself in the face to pass the time” boring. However, it was not all bad. The pay was nice and the perks were fantastic. I received various awards and merchandise. Some of the kickass things I received were my Nikon D40 camera, my iPod Touch, Jeremy’s iPod Nano, our Playstation 3, and Jeremy’s Skycaddie. So that part of the job we will definitely miss. The rest of it….go shove it up your ass.

On a happier note, Jeremy and I just had our 5 year anniversary! It’s seems like we just got married. Time is just screaming by these days. I have loved every day I have been with Jeremy. He is my rock, my knight in shining armor, the Marshall to my Lily. I love you, baby!!

That picture is from our recent trip to Zions. And, no, you are not seeing things. My hair is gone. Short. I love it!! I had reached my limit of the amount of hair I was willing to have ripped out by a curious little boy. I will grow it back in the future, but for now, I am totally digging it. And I was able to donate almost two feet of hair to Locks of Love. So that was pretty sweet.

I will try to write a bit more frequently, but for now here is another picture of the reason most of you come to this blog (don’t try back-peddling, I’m on to you….) Until next time!

Oliver – Through the Years

1950

1956

1960

1962

1964

1966

1968

1970

1972

1974

1976

1978

1982

1984

1986

1988

1994

1998

2000