Spransy Quote of the Weekend – Portland Style

This weekend Jeremy, my parent’s, and I went to Portland. These are some of the choice things heard during that trip.

*Said while driving into the parking lot of our hotel*
Mom: Get out of the way, dickhead.

Dad: Sir, your head looks like a dick.

*Said while on the way to The Grotto, The National Sanctuary of Our Sorrowful Mother*
Mom: This sanctuary better be serene or I’m going to be fucking pissed.

*Said while relating a past banana split experience*
Dad: I ordered a banana split once, and when I reached the end I realized there was no freaking banana! When I told the waitress she said, ‘Do you want me to bring you a banana?’ No! You can take that banana and shove it up your banana shove space!

*Said after Jer expressed concern over setting the dirty stroller wheels on my mom’s sweater*
Dad: It wouldn’t be the first time my dirty wheels have been on that sweater.

*Said in defense of his earlier comments*
Dad: I don’t say things that are dirty, I make innuendos. I just follow it up by saying I don’t know what that means.

Me: Right, because that makes it ok.

Dad: Hey, “dirty wheels” isn’t dirty.

Me: It is when you say it.

My Child? Stubborn? Please. I Wrote the Book on Stubborn.

After about an hour of fighting with Rocket to go to sleep, laying him down in his crib, letting him cry for increasingly longer periods each time, we decided that the only option left was to let him cry it out for as long as it took. We knew he was tired. We could hear him stop to yawn in the middle of his crying. We would see him, as we looked up at his room from the kitchen, standing half asleep with his head resting on the rail of his crib. Finally after about twenty minutes there was quiet.

Jeremy crept upstairs to make sure he was ok, then steps out of Rocket’s room and, with a whispered laugh, says, “Sus, you have to come see this. Bring your camera.”

We both tried to muffle our giggles as I took a picture of this.

New Kick Ass Tricks.

Jeremy taught Rocket how to throw his rubber ducky and they had their first game of catch.

Rocket gives hugs and says “Oooooohhh” when he does it.

He can almost get down off the couch by himself.

He bounces to the beat whenever there is music playing.

He can turn the lights off with the light switch.

As you can tell from the nature of this post, I don’t have a lot of time to write. I will try to write something more in the near future.

The Yes’s, Nos, Maybes, and It’s None of Your Damn Businesses

THE CANS:

Can you blow a bubble?
Yes, with gum, spit, and soap, but not with tar, meatloaf, shoestrings, or llamas.

Can you dance?
I could once, but then I became so fed up with rhythm.

Can you do a cart wheel?
With or without hands?

Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue?
Probably. I’ve never tried.

Can you touch your toes?
With my forehead. (Hey, you never said I had to keep my legs straight.)

Can you wiggle your ears?
Yep. At the same time and individually.

Can you wiggle your nose?
Yeah, but strange things seem to happen every time I do.

THE DIDS:

Did you ever get into a fist fight in school?
Only with myself. I lost.

Did you ever run away from home?
No. Where the hell would I go?

Did you ever want to be a doctor?
If by doctor you mean artist, then yes.

Did you ever want to be a fire fighter?
I thought I did, but then I realized that I just liked spraying things off with a hose.