The Yes’s, Nos, Maybes, and It’s None of Your Damn Businesses


Can you blow a bubble?
Yes, with gum, spit, and soap, but not with tar, meatloaf, shoestrings, or llamas.

Can you dance?
I could once, but then I became so fed up with rhythm.

Can you do a cart wheel?
With or without hands?

Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue?
Probably. I’ve never tried.

Can you touch your toes?
With my forehead. (Hey, you never said I had to keep my legs straight.)

Can you wiggle your ears?
Yep. At the same time and individually.

Can you wiggle your nose?
Yeah, but strange things seem to happen every time I do.


Did you ever get into a fist fight in school?
Only with myself. I lost.

Did you ever run away from home?
No. Where the hell would I go?

Did you ever want to be a doctor?
If by doctor you mean artist, then yes.

Did you ever want to be a fire fighter?
I thought I did, but then I realized that I just liked spraying things off with a hose.

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