Spransy Quote of the Day

While at my parent’s house, having dinner last night, we heard a strange scraping outside. Realizing that it is the neighbors shoveling the walk, my mom goes to the fridge and grabs a bottle of sparkling cider to give to them in thanks.

As she is walking to the door, my brother, Pete, says,”Break it across the handle of the shovel. Bon voy ya missed a spot!”

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Your Aunt Becky Has Some Questions For You!

Yes, it’s true! Aunt Becky from Mommy Wants Vodka is interviewing each and every lovely reader willing to answer her. So, of course, I am playing along. But wait! There’s more! She is also giving away a book to a random person who participates in the interviewing process.

Are you telling me that I get to answer a questionnaire AND I may win a book?! Well slap my ass and call me Susie.

Mommy Wants Vodka

1) Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream?

Do they have the potential to prevent my ice cream from EVER MELTING?

2) If you had to choose one word to banish from the English language, what would it be and why?

“Moist.”

Gross. Just say it.

“Moist.”

See.

Gross.

3) If you were a flavor, what would it be?

Peppermint

4) What’s the most pointless annoying chore you can think of that you do on a daily/weekly basis?

This question assumes that I actually do chores that regularly. But if I had to pick something I would say: changin’ the tickin’ in Ma and Pa’s mattress. (Is it just me or does the word “chore” start the theme song to Little House on the Prairie in your head?)

5) Of all the nicknames I’ve ever had in my life, Aunt Becky is the most widely known and probably my favorite. What’s your favorite nickname? (for yourself)

Jimmy Two Boobs

6) You’re stuck on a desert island with the collective works of 5 (and only five) musical artists for the rest of your life. Who are they?

Muse, Billy Holiday, Eric Satie, Michael Jackson, and Peter Gabriel

7) Everything is better with bacon. True or false?

Absolutely true.

8 ) If I could go back in time and tell Young Aunt Becky one thing, it would be that out of chaos, order will emerge. Also: tutus go with everything. What would you tell young self?

Don’t be so afraid of failing.

An Interview Featuring Moi!

Some of you may have heard of the Great Interview Experiment happening, again, over at Citizen of the Month. If not, I highly recommend checking it out. It’s a brilliant way to meet other bloggers and gain new readers.

I decided to participate again this year (in fact, I get to interview Maggie from Mind of a Mad Woman – WOOHOO!!), and have been interviewed by the lovely Maya at Strait Jackets Are Slimming. Isn’t that a fantastic blog name?!

Anyhoooo…if you have a moment, go check it out!

In Which I Steal for My Own Entertainment.

Call me a klepto, but I just stole my titling style from Badass Geek and I am now going to steal an idea for a post from Maggie over at Mind of a Mad Woman. It’s alright, though. They’re cool.

It’s been a while since I entertained you with one of these zany surveys. (That’s right. I said, “Zany.” I am bringing all the classics back into popularity, along with “hogwash,” and “poo skid.” Ok, maybe that last one wasn’t popular, worldwide, but it sure got a lot of use around the house when I was a kid.)

But I digress…on to the questions!

1.Your ex is on the side of the road, on fire. What do you do?

Probably say something like, “Huh. No shit,” as we hear about it on the news. I have no idea of the whereabouts of my exes and, frankly, don’t care.

2.Your best friend tells you she’s pregnant. What is your reaction?

I would be overjoyed! And then I would call her a dirty whore and spank her butt.

3.When is the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?

Wow. I actually can’t think if anything. This is surprising. Usually I want to clock at least one person, each day. Huh. I need to get out more. My “bitch slap jar” seems to be getting low.

4.Congratulations! You just had a son. What’s his name?

Hubert Cumberdale

5.Congratulations! You just had a daughter. What’s her name?

Cornelia Bilyana Vilhelmina

6.What are you craving right now?

Peppermint Bark from Costco. That shit is Christmas Crack! Also, a pulled pork sandwich from Sugar House BBQ.

7.What was the last thing you cried about?

Some episode of Extreme Home Makeover. Damn show gets me every time.

8.When you buy something and your change is a penny. Do you keep it?

Depends on my mood. Usually if the person helping me is a dick, I just tell them to shove it up their ass keep it. I don’t want to talk to them any longer than I have to.

9.What color is your tissue box?

I don’t know. What color is your pod bag?

10.Do you have a ceiling fan in your room, and if so, is there dust on that fan?

I’m not sure…I can’t tell through all the dust.

11.What is the last voicemail you received about?

My mom inviting us to dinner.

12.Scariest thing you’ve experienced in the last year?

Taking home a newborn, knowing that we were solely responsible for its survival.

13.Have you ever had a garage sale?

I have been a part of a family garage sale, but have never been in charge of one, myself. I will say that I puchased one of my favorite possessions at a garage sale. A press kit for the band Menudo, complete with 8X10 glossy. (Remember when they were on Silver Spoons and they came riding in on the Ricker’s train, in all their latin glory? Sweet.)

14.What is the last alcoholic beverage you had?

I’m not sure. It’s been a long damn time. I would have to guess it was something with Vodka.

15.Are you happy right now?

Why yes, I am. Thanks for asking!

16.Who came over last?

A whole slew of people.

17.Do you drink beer?

I drink beer of the rooted kind.

18.Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?

Pssshhh, this happened weekly. I would just tell them that two trains collided and they fell out of a hobo’s butt.

19.Dark or light jeans?

If they are on fire, then definitely light. Otherwise, dark.

20.What was the last movie you watched at home?

The Sons of Katie Elder. I loves me a good John Wayne movie.

21.What is in your pocket?

Alanis Morrisette’s other hand.

22.Who introduced you to your boyfriend/girlfriend?

Our friend Chad, who was later my maid of honor at our wedding.

23.Where do you hurt?

Your face.

24.What is your favorite aisle at Wal-Mart?

I fucking HATE Wal-Mart.

25.When is your birthday?

August

26.What are you going to do after this?

Run naked through the streets.

27.Who was the last person you went shopping with?

Jeremy. We just bought Rocket a new car seat.

28.What about your favorite dessert?

What about it? You got a problem with my favorite dessert?!

29.Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?

Yes. I have a second cousin who is also named Susan. And my middle name is my mom’s name.

30.Do you like pickles?

Hell yes. But only Kosher Dill. All other pickles can suck it.

31.Is someone in love with you?

I sure hope so.

32.What color is your couch?

Celadon.

33.Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?

When we were kids, my cousin and I looked remarkable similar and were often mistaken for twins. We have since outgrown our “Patty Duke Syndrome.”

34.Does someone like you right now?

It’s possible.

35.Do you know anyone in jail/prison?

Not yet. Working on it.

36.Who was the last person to send you a text message?

I think it was my sister, but I don’t recall. I don’t text message, if you can believe it.

37.How many hours did you sleep for last night?

In a row? Four. Total…six.

38.Do you swear at your parents?

I don’t swear at them, but I do swear around them. My mom was captain of the SS Pottymouth.

39.Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Absolutely. You’re thinking about me right now. I can tell.

40.What is the last thing you spent money on?

Chick-fil-a. Yum!

41.Name one thing no one can ever take away from you?

The memory of all that.

42.What is the last thing you ate that had onions in it?

Nothing. I am not a fan.

43.Crunchy or Puffy Cheetos?

Also, not a fan.

44.The first person on your friends list just called you a bitch. What do you have to say to them?

Cunt.

45.Have you ever blocked someone on Myspace before?

Never had a need to. My stint with MySpace was very brief.

46.Do you wear a name tag at work?

No, but I just may start.

47.What color is your iPod?

My iPod Mini is white and my iPod Touch is black.

48.What is your favorite key chain on your keys?

I have up to no key chains on my keys. When I see people with a wad a shit on their key, it makes me want to beat them in the face with it, especially when they twirl it around. Stop it. Stop it, right now.

49.Say you were given a pregnancy test right now. Would you pass or fail?

Definitely fail.

50.What were you doing at midnight last night?

Sleeping. That’s the party animal I am.