Listography: Books on my “I Want to Read” List

  • This House of Sky: Landscapes of a Western Mind – Ivan Doig
  • Keeping Keller – Tracy Winegar
  • The Taking – Dean Koontz
  • Princess Academy – Shannon Hale
  • Left Handed, Son of Old Man Hat: A Navajo Autobiography – Left Handed
  • Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story – Christopher Moore
  • The Fire – Katherine Neville
  • How to See Yourself as You Really Are – Dalai Lama XIV
  • The Road to Home – Vanessa Del Fabbro
  • A Year Down Yonder – Richard Peck
  • The Folk Keeper – Franny Billingsly
  • Follow the River – James Alexander Thom
  • These is My Words – Nancy E. Turner
  • The Diary of Mattie Spencer – Sandra Dallas
  • Inkdeath – Cornelia Funke
  • Sometimes a Great Notion – Ken Kesey
  • Against Medical Advice: A True Story – James Patterson
  • Anyone read any of these? What did you think?

What the Fuck?

I had a really disturbing dream last night and I can’t seem to shake it. I don’t recall exactly where we (Ollie and me) were in my dream, but we were outdoors somewhere near a dumpster. Oliver decided it would be a brilliant idea to huck all of his toys into the trash and before I could stop him he had climbed up inside to retrieve them.

Of course I went after him, and once I was in the dumpster I noticed a baby doll. Or so I thought. The “doll” started to move and whimper and I saw that it was actually a live baby that someone has just left there. I quickly picked it up and wrapped it in the jacket I was wearing and, after helping Oliver out of the dumpster, we went to look for help.

Here’s where it REALLY gets fucked up.

As we are walking the little baby’s head started to flop back and its eyes sort of roll into the back of its head. This is when I notice that the baby’s mouth has been scarred over entirely. It can’t open it at all. It was like someone had cauterized it shut. I started panicking, looking around for a way to cut it open, and that is when I woke up.

Ugh. I am so unnerved by this. What could this mean? And what the hell is in my mind that would put these images together?!

In Which I Ponder the Loss of Brain Cells

I think having a child has had an unfortunate affect (effect? see I can’t even remember which one would be the proper usage) on my brain. I can’t seem to remember shit. I used to be able to state facts and figures on a variety of topics, quote movie lines like I was reciting my ABCs, tell you the plot of the many books I had read.

Now?

I can barely remember what I said five minutes ago. Not what someone else said, mind you, but my own thoughts that came out of my own mouth.

I have started listening to NPR all the time, just to hear some adult conversation. And I hate listening to talk radio, so that should show you my level of desperation.

Is this normal? Does anyone else with kids have this problem? I tell you, it is the most irritating thing on the face of the earth. I constantly feel like I am losing my mind. I find myself getting rattled and confused when I try to have a conversation with someone. It is making me crazy? Does this go away? Is it a matter of spending hours a day with a 18 month old? What?

Listography – Because I Don’t Want to Forget

  • Oliver can now mimic the sounds for the following animals, people, or items: cow, horse, sheep, fish, shark (he sings the theme to Jaws, hilarious!), chicken, duck, car, train, clock, The Count (ah ah ah!), Cookie Monster, bird, a cowboy (YEEE HAA!!), owl, tiger, lion, monkey, various monsters, and his daddy’s butt (pppttthhh).
  • Oliver says the following words: cookie, bus, car, truck, duck, turtle, purple, mama, dada, baba, koala, and blue.
  • He has full on serious phone conversations, including hand gestures, pauses, and laughter, in a language all his own.
  • He has these same conversations with his daddy.
  • You can ask him to bring you a specific book and he can locate it and bring it to you, no matter what book it is or where it is.
  • His favorite books right now are: Sheep in a Jeep, My Big Book of Trucks, and any book featuring Grover from Sesame Street.
  • He loves big trucks and school buses.
  • He love watching Cars by Disney.
  • He can turn on my iPod Touch, locate the application he wants to play with, and start it.
  • He only has to watch someone play a game on their iPhone once before he can take total control and play it entirely on his own.
  • He knows how to turn on our PS3 so that he can watch Cars.
  • He also loves Wall-E, and now likes to carry around our little red cooler to put toys in, just like Wall-E does.
  • He can identify the following Sesame Street characters: Grover, Elmo, Bert, Ernie, Big Bird, Little Bird, Barkley, Pairie Dawn, Cookie Monster, The Count, Zoe, Oscar the Grouch, and Telly.
  • He can find the mouse on all the pages in Goodnight Moon
  • He can catch a ball…with one hand.
  • He loves to play Ring Around the Rosie and starts to fall to his knees halfway through the song, like he can hardly wait for the ending.
  • He insists on having a bowl of oatmeal every morning for breakfast.
  • He give kisses and huge bear hugs.
  • He loves to play in the drawer with the pots and pans.
  • He “winks”!

This Could Possibly Be the Cutest Picture, Ever.

Because You Don’t Already Know Enough About Me

81 Things You Didn’t Know About Me Until You Read This:

What Color Is Your Toothbrush?
Blue and Green

Name One Person That Made You Smile Today?
Mr. Oliver Poopface Rocket Butt Man

What were you doing this morning at 8?
Attempting to tidy up the house.

What Were You Doing 45 Minutes Ago?
Dishes and feeding Ollie lunch.

What Is Your Favorite Candy?
Sixlets.

Have You Ever Been To A Strip Club?
Yep.

What’s the last thing you said out loud?
“I can make a pizza.”

What Was The Last Thing You Had To Drink?
Ocean Spray 100% Juice Fruit & Veggie Tropical Citrus

What Is The Longest You Have Gone Without Sleeping?
I think maybe a day.

Have You Ever Made A Promise You’d Die To Keep?
I guess so. Does promising to keep Oliver safe count?

Have You Bought Any New Clothing Items This Week?
Nope.

The Last Sporting Event You Watched?
Jeremy’s qualifying round for the Utah State Amateur Golf Championship in 2008.

What Is Your Favorite Flavor Of Popcorn?
Kettle Corn

Who Is The Last Person You Sent A Message to on Facebook?
Heather

Ever Go Camping?
Yes I do! In fact we have several camping trips planned for this summer.

Do You Take Vitamins Daily?
Does a handful of chocolate chips count?

Do You Go To Church Every Sunday?
I haven’t been to church, regularly, in a very long time. I go for things to do with family and friends. And I love to attend Vespers and the Carol Ceremony at the local catholic cathedral during the holidays.

Do You Drink Your Soda With A Straw?
In a restaurant, yes. From a can or in a glass from my own home, no.

What Did Your Last Text Message Say?
Ha ha.

What Are You Doing Tomorrow?
Probably just hanging out at home. Who knows? I tend to play it by ear when it come to planning my days.

Where Is Your Dad?
Probably hitting balls during his lunch hour.

Look To Your Left, What Do you see?
My aforementioned drink and Ollie’s rocking horse.

What Color Is Your Watch?
I don’t wear a watch.

What Do You Think Of When You Hear Australia?
I would really like to go there, someday.

What did you do yesterday?
Laundry, went for a walk with Ollie, read my book, enjoyed the nice weather.

Do You Go In At A Fast Food Place Or Just Hit The Drive Thru?
Depends on what fast food place, if Ollie is awake or not, and how much time I have.

What Is Your Favorite Number?
8250, of course.

Who’s The Last Person You Talked To On The Phone?
My sister, Karey.

Any Plans Today?
Birthday dinner for my brother, Pete. His birthday is tomorrow! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PEEWEEE!!!

Biggest Annoyance In Your Life Right Now?
Uh….

Last Song Listened To?
“I Need You,” by America.

Can You Say The Alphabet Backwards?
Sure can. I am also teaching it to Oliver in both directions.

Do You Have A Maid Service Clean Your House?
Yes. I also have a private jet that flies me to Rodeo Drive to go shopping every week.

Favorite Pair Of Shoes You Wear All The Time?
No, but I have been wearing a lot of flats, lately.

Are You Jealous Of Anyone?
No.

Is Anyone Jealous Of You?
I wouldn’t know.

Do You Love Anyone?
Absolutely.

What Do You Usually Do During The Day?
Play with Ollie, run errands, meet friends for coffee, attempt to clean the house, watch TV, etc.

Do You Hate Anyone That You Know Right Now?
I don’t know if hate is the word I would use.

Do You Use The Word ‘hello’ Daily?
Yep.

Do You Like Cats?
I liked our family cat, Willie. All other cats are disposable.

Have You Ever Been To Six Flags?
Yes, Magic Mountain, about twenty years ago.

How Did You Get Your Worst Scar?
Surgery.

Last Cd Played?
Spoon – Ga Ga Ga Ga

Last Bubble Bath?
A decade ago? I don’t know.

Last Time You Cried?
A week ago? I don’t know. I don’t keep track of those kinds of things.

Last Meal?
Totino’s Supreme Party Pizza.

Have You Ever Kissed Someone & Regretted It?
No.

Have You Ever Fallen In Love?
Yes

Have You Ever Lost Someone?
Yes, but that is life.

Have You Ever Slept Until 1pm?
Never. I have always been an early riser.

List Four People You Tell Pretty Much Anything To?
Jeremy, Karey, Jenn, and Heather.

List Three Favorite Colors/shades —
Red, Orange, Yellow.

Laughed Until You Cried:
Last night. That Chelsea Handler is one funny bitch.

Who Posted This Before You?
My cousin, Britney.

Lowering The Drinking Age?
I don’t see the point.

Is There Something You Want To Tell Someone?
“I don’t know how you can be that funny without enhancement creams.”

Would You Kiss Anyone On Your Top Friends?
No.

How Many Kids Do You Want To Have?
Uno.

Do You Want To Change Your Name?
No, I like my name.

Last Time You Saw Your Father?
Saturday afternoon.

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
6:30AM

How Old Are You?
Old enough.

What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night?
Sleeping.

What Is Your Favorite Thing In Your Room?
I don’t know that I would call any thing “a favorite.” I do like the pictures we have hung.

Where Is Your Best Friend Right Now?
Working.

Oliver – South Park Style