Spransy Quote of the Day

Did I ever mention that my parent’s nicknamed their van, “Gina”? Well anyhooo…this text message conversation took place between my dad and my brother-in-law, Henry.

Henry: We are taking your van-gina to your house.

Dad: Did you give it a douche?

Henry: Yeah, now it smells like a fart, inside.

Dad: We use FDS, not Fisherman’s Sandal.

8250 – A “Happy Birthday, Dawni” Special!

The Birthday Girl

I hope she doesn’t mind be using this lovely picture. Please let me know if you do!

Pronunciation: ’ā-tē • ’tü • ’fif-tē

8.jpg Number of pieces of bacon I chowed down on at the birthday brunch.

2.jpg Pieces of cake Ollie managed to cram in his face before he was busted.

5.jpg Number of tiny black confetti stars found in the frittata, after it had been served!

0.jpg Things that sucked about the party.

Listography: Books on my “I Want to Read” List

  • This House of Sky: Landscapes of a Western Mind – Ivan Doig
  • Keeping Keller – Tracy Winegar
  • The Taking – Dean Koontz
  • Princess Academy – Shannon Hale
  • Left Handed, Son of Old Man Hat: A Navajo Autobiography – Left Handed
  • Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story – Christopher Moore
  • The Fire – Katherine Neville
  • How to See Yourself as You Really Are – Dalai Lama XIV
  • The Road to Home – Vanessa Del Fabbro
  • A Year Down Yonder – Richard Peck
  • The Folk Keeper – Franny Billingsly
  • Follow the River – James Alexander Thom
  • These is My Words – Nancy E. Turner
  • The Diary of Mattie Spencer – Sandra Dallas
  • Inkdeath – Cornelia Funke
  • Sometimes a Great Notion – Ken Kesey
  • Against Medical Advice: A True Story – James Patterson
  • Anyone read any of these? What did you think?

What the Fuck?

I had a really disturbing dream last night and I can’t seem to shake it. I don’t recall exactly where we (Ollie and me) were in my dream, but we were outdoors somewhere near a dumpster. Oliver decided it would be a brilliant idea to huck all of his toys into the trash and before I could stop him he had climbed up inside to retrieve them.

Of course I went after him, and once I was in the dumpster I noticed a baby doll. Or so I thought. The “doll” started to move and whimper and I saw that it was actually a live baby that someone has just left there. I quickly picked it up and wrapped it in the jacket I was wearing and, after helping Oliver out of the dumpster, we went to look for help.

Here’s where it REALLY gets fucked up.

As we are walking the little baby’s head started to flop back and its eyes sort of roll into the back of its head. This is when I notice that the baby’s mouth has been scarred over entirely. It can’t open it at all. It was like someone had cauterized it shut. I started panicking, looking around for a way to cut it open, and that is when I woke up.

Ugh. I am so unnerved by this. What could this mean? And what the hell is in my mind that would put these images together?!

In Which I Ponder the Loss of Brain Cells

I think having a child has had an unfortunate affect (effect? see I can’t even remember which one would be the proper usage) on my brain. I can’t seem to remember shit. I used to be able to state facts and figures on a variety of topics, quote movie lines like I was reciting my ABCs, tell you the plot of the many books I had read.

Now?

I can barely remember what I said five minutes ago. Not what someone else said, mind you, but my own thoughts that came out of my own mouth.

I have started listening to NPR all the time, just to hear some adult conversation. And I hate listening to talk radio, so that should show you my level of desperation.

Is this normal? Does anyone else with kids have this problem? I tell you, it is the most irritating thing on the face of the earth. I constantly feel like I am losing my mind. I find myself getting rattled and confused when I try to have a conversation with someone. It is making me crazy? Does this go away? Is it a matter of spending hours a day with a 18 month old? What?

Listography – Because I Don’t Want to Forget

  • Oliver can now mimic the sounds for the following animals, people, or items: cow, horse, sheep, fish, shark (he sings the theme to Jaws, hilarious!), chicken, duck, car, train, clock, The Count (ah ah ah!), Cookie Monster, bird, a cowboy (YEEE HAA!!), owl, tiger, lion, monkey, various monsters, and his daddy’s butt (pppttthhh).
  • Oliver says the following words: cookie, bus, car, truck, duck, turtle, purple, mama, dada, baba, koala, and blue.
  • He has full on serious phone conversations, including hand gestures, pauses, and laughter, in a language all his own.
  • He has these same conversations with his daddy.
  • You can ask him to bring you a specific book and he can locate it and bring it to you, no matter what book it is or where it is.
  • His favorite books right now are: Sheep in a Jeep, My Big Book of Trucks, and any book featuring Grover from Sesame Street.
  • He loves big trucks and school buses.
  • He love watching Cars by Disney.
  • He can turn on my iPod Touch, locate the application he wants to play with, and start it.
  • He only has to watch someone play a game on their iPhone once before he can take total control and play it entirely on his own.
  • He knows how to turn on our PS3 so that he can watch Cars.
  • He also loves Wall-E, and now likes to carry around our little red cooler to put toys in, just like Wall-E does.
  • He can identify the following Sesame Street characters: Grover, Elmo, Bert, Ernie, Big Bird, Little Bird, Barkley, Pairie Dawn, Cookie Monster, The Count, Zoe, Oscar the Grouch, and Telly.
  • He can find the mouse on all the pages in Goodnight Moon
  • He can catch a ball…with one hand.
  • He loves to play Ring Around the Rosie and starts to fall to his knees halfway through the song, like he can hardly wait for the ending.
  • He insists on having a bowl of oatmeal every morning for breakfast.
  • He give kisses and huge bear hugs.
  • He loves to play in the drawer with the pots and pans.
  • He “winks”!

This Could Possibly Be the Cutest Picture, Ever.