I Love You, Baby.

I hope he doesn’t mind, but I wanted to share a letter that Jeremy wrote for me, a few years ago. The circumstances as to why he wrote this are not important; let me just say, this is one of the most incredible things he has ever given to me. I couldn’t ask for a more perfect husband. I am one lucky girl!

My Favorite Things About Susan

Disclaimer: Although it would probably sound cheesy to say “listing all of the things that fill me with love and pride for my wife, Susan, would fill a book the size of the Oxford dictionary,” it wouldn’t be untrue. And I’m not talking about the one that’s probably sitting on your desk; I am talking about the actual one in England that’s 80,000 pages and some 16 volumes. So you can see my dilemma in selecting just my top three in each category. However, I have done my best to keep to the ones most important to me; I just can’t promise they’ll be short, and for that I apologize.

Three (of the many) reasons I love my wife very much:

1.) Sense of Humor. It was the first thing that attracted me to her and it remains the primary reason for my affection. Her sick and twisted brain has me constantly guessing what she’ll say or do next, and that provides a renewed sense of excitement to every day. It also provides a great deal of entertainment for our friends and family which helps keep us all close.
2.) Compassion. Susan has a very high level of compassion for those around her. So much so that her emotions are highly dictated by her environment and the people in her presence. It’s as though she is so understanding, and wants to help others so much, that her brain makes her feel what others are going through. Sure she’s quick to refer to other commuters on the freeway in a matter that questions their sexual orientation, or what they may (or may not) put in their mouths, but without a doubt she would be helping that same person change a flat tire 15 miles down the road.
3.) Dedication. Her relentless dedication to me and our relationship is what has shown her affections for me the most. She takes great care in nurturing our relationship, and devotes much of her day to making my life better in every imaginable way. I am never without love in my life because of her care for me and her devotion to our marriage. She doesn’t judge me or nag, or try to get me to change; she just loves me as I am.

Three (of the many) things that make me proud of my wife:

1.) Quitting 3Form. This may need some explaining, but let’s just say it was the single most challenging situation for Susan that I have ever witnessed. The reason I feel it was a challenge was that it took Susan admitting she deserved better. It took guts to do it the way she did, it made a strong statement about how people see her, and it took self-esteem for her to believe in herself enough to do it. She took a situation where she was being treated very poorly and turned it into a crowning achievement in her life, and she did it with flair. She didn’t (despite my hope) urinate on the boss’s desk and then light it on fire or anything, but what she did was, relatively speaking, the same. She fought back, and that’s not something she’s likely to do.
2.) Talent and Intelligence. Susan can do anything and do it well. Whether it is a paint brush or a Playstation 3 controller in her hand, your can expect great things as a result. She is an accomplished artist with an increasingly impressive live of work that always stuns her audiences. She is always willing to try something new and it doesn’t take her long to master it. Her employer is constantly shocked at how well Susan can absorb information and quickly adapt it to the most efficient and streamlined workflow. Her insane ability to recall information gives her “savantian” qualities, and has propelled her through her scholastic and professional career. Susan passed a test for work after one seminar that no one else has passed, regardless of the tutoring sessions and study classes that she herself has given. She may be even too smart for her own good as it generated a constant stream of impatience for the idiots of the world.
3.) Beauty. Susan is hot; plain and simple. She is physically attractive and people notice her. She is completely oblivious to most of it, but it’s not a secret that the average level of attractiveness is elevated she she walks into a room. It makes me proud to walk around in public with her because I know others are wondering how a “gomer” like me ended up scoring someone like that. However, she does do that one thing here she sucks her top lip up to her nose. . .that can bring her down a notch or two, but because it’s so damn funny, it probably evens out.

Anyway, sorry about the length of this thing but we are talking about the greatest thing in my life, so it’s not something easily summarized. I’m not sure if she gets a chance to read this, but if so hopefully she laughed, because the nose-crinkle thing that happens I felt you should see for yourself. It’s number 24 on the list, right between “#23 – She buys me Pop-Tarts” and “#25 – She like llamas.”

If you get to read this…

I love you, baby.

Your loving husband,
Jeremy.

Things and Stuff and Stuff and Things

I know a lot of you have asked what happened with my job, and I have not replied back to you. Sorry about that. I will. I am just waiting for a few things to settle down with that before I can let loose on what is going on. But let me just give you a little nugget…I am/was pissed!! How is that for a teaser?! Anyways, I will write about it at some point.

But for now, it has been strange being without a job. I have held a job, in some capacity or another, since I was about 11 years old. I almost don’t know what to do with myself. And on the other hand I know exactly what I should do with myself, but have to really push myself to do it. And even then I feel like I come up short. It’s strange. I feel excited for the opportunity to get some things done, and yet, incredibly unmotivated to do them all at the same time. It’s been an awkward transition, that is for sure, and I need to get my shit together.

I also keep thinking about all the people I have been neglecting. LilSass, I am so sorry I haven’t been writing very often. I think of you all the time. Miss Grace, I still owe you a CD from the April CD Exchange and can’t believe I have been such a slacker on that. I love the CD you sent, by the way. Thank you! I still read all of your blogs (Badass, Lola, Moonspun, X, Heather, and on and on.), and I am sorry I haven’t been commenting as much as I used to. I guess I just needed a breather.

My business is coming along slowly but surely. It is very much in the planning stages, at this point. I have been trying to figure out how to write a business plan and how I want to organize my business. It has been incredibly challenging. I worry that I just don’t have the mentality and demeanor it takes to run a business and I get very overwhelmed. I just need to keep reading and learning and maybe it won’t feel like so much after a while. I worry, too, that I won’t follow through with this. I have to admit that I am alot of “talk”, at times, and very little “do.” Which is stupid. Nothing is stopping me from doing any of the things I have talked about doing. I just need to get out of my own damn way!

The one thing I really want to do is to start documenting Ollie’s first year in a more hands on fashion. I need to keep a better record of his “firsts.” Like the fact that he has his first tooth! Bottom center; so cute!! And that he is rolling over in both directions (front to back, back to front), finally! And how he has grown two inches in the past two months (the kid is part weed, I swear!) Oh and on top of that he has figured out how to wave hello and goodbye to us.

There are just so many things I love about our little boy.

I love the way his head is a miniature version of Jeremy’s.

I love the way he sucks on his ENTIRE binkie.

I love that he is CONSTANTLY pulling this face.

I love the way he looks you square in the eye and pulls this face when he is taking a huge dump. (And I love, even more, that it is the exact same face that Jeremy pulls when he is acting like he is taking a huge dump.)

I love that he looks just like his daddy when he has on his sunglasses.

I love that he now prefers to sleep on his stomach and that he sleeps with his left leg pulled up higher than the right, just like I do.

I love that he is starting to understand what it means when I hold up the camera and now starts to ham it up!

I love this.

My favorite thing of all, though, is the way he growls like a little monster when he is cuddling with his stuffed animals. Jeremy and I would always make growling noises when we would tickle him or “wrestle” with him, and I love that now he does that himself. Hilarious!! His little face get so serious and scrunched up, like he’s the scariest little monster on the planet.

I would be terrified of the sheer mass of cuteness heading my way. It’s JUST TOO MUCH!!!

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

I worked in sales. I don’t know if I ever made mention of that on this blog. I have always been very VERY careful about what I said here about my place of employment, in the off chance that they found this site. No one there knew of its existence, at least not from me, and I wanted to keep it that way. The only thing I have really mentioned is that they were letting me work from home.

That is no longer the case, and therefore, I no longer have a job. If you want more details on what happened you can shoot me a quick email. But I won’t be posting about it here. There is still too much at stake and I can’t afford to fuck up any possible reference that I might have.

Am I scared? You bet your ass I am. Am I excited to be able to stay home with Oliver for a while? YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM!! It has been almost three weeks since I lost my job and I can already see that Rocket is growing and learning in leaps and bounds since I have been able to devote my full attention to him.

We have been reading a ton of books and practicing our letters and learning about rhyming. I know he is only 6 months (ONLY SIX MONTHS!! HA!), but I can already see him trying to soak up everything I am saying. He watches my face, with such intensity, and you can see him trying to figure out how to form the words with his mouth. He has started imitating the sounds we make. It’s hilarious to hear him growl as he wrestles with his bunny. Or squeal with joy when he discovers the tags on his blanket.

He is sitting up completely unassisted and loves it. Sometimes I think he would sleep sitting up if he just wasn’t so damned tired. I love seeing him so interested in and excited about his surroundings. It’s a whole new view of his world!

The weather here has been fantastic. So we have been going on many walks, checking out the local parks, and hanging out with Jer at the golf course.

Jeremy is so excited to teach Ollie how to play golf. He has already purchased the tiniest putter you have ever seen! We talk about how cool it will be to take him to play a quick round before school starts in the morning. Hopefully he likes golf but, if not, that’s ok, too. We aren’t going to be the sort of parents the try to force their kids to like something just because we do. If Rocket wants to be a dancer, instead, that is cool with us, too!

So what am I going to do now that I am unemployed? I am finally going to start my design company. This is something that I have wanted to do my entire life. I have talked about this for as long as I can remember. And now I feel I am finally ready. I feel confidant that I can do this. I am not going to say too much about it at this point, since it is very much in the beginning stages. This is also the reason that I won’t be blogging quite as often as I had in the past. I really want to focus as much attention as I can to this. But let me just say that I am SO SO SO EXCITED!!! As soon as my website is up, I will let you all know.

And I am going to start painting again! I used to paint for hours and hours, and in the last year I haven’t painted once. I need to start using my talents. I miss feeling proud about something that I have created. Of course, Rocket, fits that description better than anything, but this is different. This is a way for me to express how I am feeling when words fail me. It’s who I am. I am an artist and I need to be confident in my abilities.

Heads up! Very exciting things are heading our way!!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Everyday Life – Teething.

I Should Have Posted This Earlier as a Warning to Rocket.

He has no idea what he has gotten himself into.

From our trip to Curacao. Me at 7 months.