I sent this survey to Jer and was shocked by how accurate his answers were. He knows me inside and out!
Where did we meet? Two trains collided and we each fell out of hobo’s butts.
Take a stab at my middle name? If I did your mother would be a fucking goner.
Do I speak a second language? Yes, three second languages.
Am I a cat lover or dog lover? You’re a bone lover, does that count.
Color of my eyes? That would depend on which pen you are using.
Do I have any siblings? I am almost positive you have none by blood.
What’s one of my favorite things to do? Go to The Home Depot with your husband.
What’s my favorite type of music? Zydeco
Am I taller than you? You are wider than me. So THERE!
Am I shy or outgoing? Totally outgoing.
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? You are actually part of The Empire.
What is my birth month? It took you a whole month to get out of the womb? Fucking slacker.
Have you ever heard me sing? No. You open your mouth sometimes and these strange noises come out but I have never heard you sing, no. Ask Simon he will give it to you straight up.
How many children do I have? I hope to God just the one but I really don’t know for sure.
Have we taken photographs together? No, you are always behind the camera.
When is the last time you saw me? Just now. I just looked. I just looked again. You can’t see me though.
When will I see you again? I just fucking said you can’t see me!
Have we ever had a falling out? I have hung my dick out. Is that the same thing?
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing that I would bring? More land attached to the island so we could get the fuck out of there because you would be way too bored.
Am I right handed or left handed? It doesn’t matter what hand you use.
What type of work do I do? Jobs. Hand Jobs. Blow Jobs. Foot Jobs. Jobs.