New Kick Ass Tricks.

Jeremy taught Rocket how to throw his rubber ducky and they had their first game of catch.

Rocket gives hugs and says “Oooooohhh” when he does it.

He can almost get down off the couch by himself.

He bounces to the beat whenever there is music playing.

He can turn the lights off with the light switch.

As you can tell from the nature of this post, I don’t have a lot of time to write. I will try to write something more in the near future.

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The Ins and Outs

As of yesterday, Oliver has officially been out of my womb for as long as he was in it. Yep, Ollie’s 9 months old!! That’s only three months away from a year old. How did that happen?! In just three short months, I will have a one year old. I will stop referring to him in months when asked his age. (Perhaps not, though. I may continue doing this until he is at least out of high school. * Hypothetical Conversation* Oliver: “Mom, can I go out with (insert name of hot chick here) on Saturday?” Me: “Absolutely not, young man. Not until you are at least 192 months old!”)

I know my posts have become few and far between. You don’t have to tell me that. And why, you ask, have my blogging efforts become so fleeting? Let me tell you.

I apparently gave birth to a mountain goat-cheetah hybrid.

Oliver went from crawling to climbing, pulling himself up, and cruising all over everything in less than a month. Jeremy and I have been removed from our position as, “mom” and “dad,” and are now lovingly referred to as, “jungle” and “gym.” And our house would be the photo featured next to the article titled, “Not Childproof.” I am constantly pulling him away from the stairs, my books, the TV. He just barely missed dropping a toy inside one of our speakers before Jeremy caught him. It has been a nonstop project of moving CDs, blocking off areas to play in, shoving plastic covers into electrical outlets, and removing treasured novels from his lightening fast little mitts, before he completely destroys them.

Fortunately there is the other side of life with Oliver. The side where we are watching him learn and discover and grow, and not almost light himself on fire or snort that last line of coke. (I KID, I KID!) These are some of the recent skills he has attained:

  • Using the light switch to turn the lights on and off.
  • Feeding himself cheerios, small banana chunks, and whatever else he find on the floor before I catch him.
  • Pulling himself to a standing position, against the ottoman, where he chills out for a relaxing, educational episode of WordWorld.
  • Throwing his sippy cup on to the floor and laughing after mommy picks it up again and again AND AGAIN.
  • Flipping himself upside-down any chance he gets. He’s our little dare devil!
  • Turning the pages of his books when you read to him, which he loves! He will sit for hours (Or so I would guess. One can only read Dr. Seuss and PD Eastman for so long.) while you read to him.
  • Stretching his arms over his head when I say the phrase, “Sooooo big!”

Sadly, however, Oliver has stopped sleeping through the night. I think he is going through a serious, “OH MY GOD! MOMMY, DON’T LEAVE ME!” phase. He will only sleep in two hour stretches unless I am holding him or he is sleeping in our bed. So, one could say, it has been a rough, sleepless few months. If anyone has any pointers or suggestions, I am all ears. I started out using the Babywise method, but decided to tell that book and its philosophies to go fuck itself. I was really tired of listening to Oliver scream himself to sleep every night and hated that I had wasted all those months when I could have, nay SHOULD HAVE, been rocking him to sleep. So now we are back at square one. Oye vey.

Things with my past job have finally come to a close, so I am now free to speak about that. Back in April, the company I was working for, eliminated my postion and replaced it with a part-time in the office position. As you may recall I was working from home so that we didn’t have to put Ollie in daycare. The two main reasons for avoiding daycare, I think anyone could guess.

1. It’s expensive as fuck.
2. We don’t want some 18 year old floozy raising our child during his fundamental years. We’ll save the floozy for later.

Anyways, long story short, they offered me the part-time position, which I declined. First of all, working FULL-TIME, my entire paycheck would have gone to paying for daycare. How in the hell did you expect me to pay for daycare on half the pay and no benefits. Go suck a goat. So, after we parted ways (on very good terms, I might add! My boss even offered to give me a good reference if needed. This fact will be important later on.), I immediately applied for unemployment.

Well, I was denied. Why, do you ask? Because my employer told Workforce Services that I was fired!! WH-WH-WHAAT?!!! I was furious!! Okay, actually I was more disgusted than anything. My boss is a bishop in the Mormon religion (that’s a very important calling, for those not in the know. Equivalent to a priest or a rabbi, I would believe.), and he flat out lied. I was flabbergasted. Of course, I appealed their decision, went through the whole court hearing shebang and DA DA DA DA!!! was denied yet again. So whatever, fuck them, I don’t care anymore, moving on.

I love being able to stay home with Oliver. It has definitely been an adjustment becoming a single income family, but we are making it work. And I can’t express enough to Jeremy how grateful I am that he is taking on such a huge burden to enable me to stay home to raise our son. It means more to me than he will ever know. Truth be told, I don’t miss working for that place at. all. It was “punch yourself in the face to pass the time” boring. However, it was not all bad. The pay was nice and the perks were fantastic. I received various awards and merchandise. Some of the kickass things I received were my Nikon D40 camera, my iPod Touch, Jeremy’s iPod Nano, our Playstation 3, and Jeremy’s Skycaddie. So that part of the job we will definitely miss. The rest of it….go shove it up your ass.

On a happier note, Jeremy and I just had our 5 year anniversary! It’s seems like we just got married. Time is just screaming by these days. I have loved every day I have been with Jeremy. He is my rock, my knight in shining armor, the Marshall to my Lily. I love you, baby!!

That picture is from our recent trip to Zions. And, no, you are not seeing things. My hair is gone. Short. I love it!! I had reached my limit of the amount of hair I was willing to have ripped out by a curious little boy. I will grow it back in the future, but for now, I am totally digging it. And I was able to donate almost two feet of hair to Locks of Love. So that was pretty sweet.

I will try to write a bit more frequently, but for now here is another picture of the reason most of you come to this blog (don’t try back-peddling, I’m on to you….) Until next time!

I Gotch’er Teefers RIGHT HEEYAH!

Everyday Life – Super Baby!

In Which I Scrub the Carpet

Today was our typical Sunday. Jeremy played golf with clients. Rocket and I played out in the beautiful sunshine, reading books and playing with various tupperware containers. When it became too toasty, and I worried about the little man getting too much sun, we moved inside and Rocket spent the next little while hanging out, contentedly, in his jumper.

Shortly after, Jer returned from the golf course, smiling as he looked upon our little guy. Bending down he comments, “Ew. Did he poo?”

“Probably,” I replied. “He was making the face, I need to change him.”

It is then that something odd caught my eye. A strange coloring underneath Rocket’s jumper. What is causing that? I wonder. Is that a reflection?

Oh no.

Oh dear god.

Rocket wasn’t just filling his shorts…he was overflowing them.

Underneath his jumper was a huge puddle of shit…that he had been JUMPING IN, unbeknownst to me.

It was all down the back of his leg, all over his feet, and in between his toes. It was AWFUL!!

After I stripped him down and bathed him, I headed off to the store to purchase some matches carpet cleaner to remove to vile stain. On my way, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She LAUGHED HER ASS OFF, and then proceeded to tell me how to get it out of the carpet with baking soda.

“Are you speaking from experience?” I ask her.

“Uh..yeah.”

So I turned back around to try the home remedy of baking soda shit remover. It took a good twenty minutes of scrubbing, and two rolls of paper towels, but I finally got the carpet clean.

According to my mom, I am officially a mom.

I guess that time when I shoved a kid out my vagina didn’t count.

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

I worked in sales. I don’t know if I ever made mention of that on this blog. I have always been very VERY careful about what I said here about my place of employment, in the off chance that they found this site. No one there knew of its existence, at least not from me, and I wanted to keep it that way. The only thing I have really mentioned is that they were letting me work from home.

That is no longer the case, and therefore, I no longer have a job. If you want more details on what happened you can shoot me a quick email. But I won’t be posting about it here. There is still too much at stake and I can’t afford to fuck up any possible reference that I might have.

Am I scared? You bet your ass I am. Am I excited to be able to stay home with Oliver for a while? YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM!! It has been almost three weeks since I lost my job and I can already see that Rocket is growing and learning in leaps and bounds since I have been able to devote my full attention to him.

We have been reading a ton of books and practicing our letters and learning about rhyming. I know he is only 6 months (ONLY SIX MONTHS!! HA!), but I can already see him trying to soak up everything I am saying. He watches my face, with such intensity, and you can see him trying to figure out how to form the words with his mouth. He has started imitating the sounds we make. It’s hilarious to hear him growl as he wrestles with his bunny. Or squeal with joy when he discovers the tags on his blanket.

He is sitting up completely unassisted and loves it. Sometimes I think he would sleep sitting up if he just wasn’t so damned tired. I love seeing him so interested in and excited about his surroundings. It’s a whole new view of his world!

The weather here has been fantastic. So we have been going on many walks, checking out the local parks, and hanging out with Jer at the golf course.

Jeremy is so excited to teach Ollie how to play golf. He has already purchased the tiniest putter you have ever seen! We talk about how cool it will be to take him to play a quick round before school starts in the morning. Hopefully he likes golf but, if not, that’s ok, too. We aren’t going to be the sort of parents the try to force their kids to like something just because we do. If Rocket wants to be a dancer, instead, that is cool with us, too!

So what am I going to do now that I am unemployed? I am finally going to start my design company. This is something that I have wanted to do my entire life. I have talked about this for as long as I can remember. And now I feel I am finally ready. I feel confidant that I can do this. I am not going to say too much about it at this point, since it is very much in the beginning stages. This is also the reason that I won’t be blogging quite as often as I had in the past. I really want to focus as much attention as I can to this. But let me just say that I am SO SO SO EXCITED!!! As soon as my website is up, I will let you all know.

And I am going to start painting again! I used to paint for hours and hours, and in the last year I haven’t painted once. I need to start using my talents. I miss feeling proud about something that I have created. Of course, Rocket, fits that description better than anything, but this is different. This is a way for me to express how I am feeling when words fail me. It’s who I am. I am an artist and I need to be confident in my abilities.

Heads up! Very exciting things are heading our way!!

Happy Mother’s Day!