Not Like Riding A Bike At All.

I thought I would be able to just pick up right where I left off, but I have had the hardest time thinking about what I would write about. I started off thinking I would use one of my favorite things, the blog meme. But then I thought, no, Sus, you do those too much. Then I thought, maybe I could ask people to submit questions for me to answer as a way to catch up. Again, I thought, Sus, how the hell is that any different from doing a blog meme? You are still just answering a list of questions.

And then it came to me! Why don’t I just say, “Fuck it!” and do both! That’s just how I roll. When I cop out, I cop out big. I’m not one to half ass my laziness. I go all the way….or something like that.

Um, anyways…

On to the meme!

Favorites Questions

What was your favorite food when you were a child? Same thing it is now. Spaghetti. Love it!

What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod? Firework by Katy Perry.

This is mostly Ollie’s doing. He loves this song and insists we listen to it every time we get in the car to go somewhere. When the song ends he announces from his carseat, “Mommy, that was a great song!”

What is one of your favorite quotes? Currently, the quote comes from my husband. It was said while he was flipping through the program of our niece’s school play.

“Which one of these pages tell me when we can get the fuck out of here.”

What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity?

Well first, I like to be indoors, and then I like to go outdoors. Then I go back in, and then back out. And then back in again. It’s kind of like being a clownfish.

What chore do you absolutely hate doing? Vacuuming. Hands down. No question.

What is your favorite form of exercise? The kind that only takes 20 minutes.

What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year?

9:00AM – I have usually showered by that time and am ready to take on the day.

Thursday – This is the day I go have coffee and hang out with the girls. LOVE LOVE LOVE it! I would probably lose my mind without this time with them. And Ollie loves to play with their kids, as well, so it is a win win all around.

August – It’s my birthday and anniversary month. Need I say more?

What’s your least favorite mode of transportation? Piggyback ride.

What is your favorite body part? My middle finger. At least that is what I am guessing, since I like to show it off so much.

What sound do you love? Ollie’s hysterical laughter.

Personal Questions

Which celebrity do you get mistaken for? I live in a town where no celebrity would ever be. So by that fact alone, I am never mistaken for anyone. Sometimes, not even for myself.

What do you want to be when you grow up? An artist.

When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time? I paint, read, clean, and nap. Yes that is all in the same 30 minutes.

What would you name the autobiography of your life? “Shazaam, Shazaam, Shazaam! But That Ain’t My Finger!”

What songs are included on the soundtrack to your life? So many to choose but we will just stick with four for now.

Personal History Questions

Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best? Absolutely. Losing my job. I could never have guessed how precious this time with Ollie would be.

What was one of the best parties you’ve ever been to? Girl, all the parties I go to are amazing.

What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up?

Movie – Garden State.
TV Show – Chopped, on the Food Network. Damn onions.
Book – Incendiary by Chris Cleave. Incredible.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Not slapped the employee at the Hot Dog on a Stick counter.

*Interesting side note: Has anyone ever seen a male Hot Dog on a Stick employee? I never have and frankly, don’t want to. Could you imagine a guy in those little nasty blue polyester shorts they have to wear? Gaaaww. Gives me the creeps. Plus the lemonade making wouldn’t be nearly as hot.*

What was the last experience that made you a stronger person? Having a kid. Definitely.

What did you do growing up that got you into trouble? Mouthed off. Of all the times I can remember getting into trouble, it is because I had some snide little remark to add, under my breath.

When was the last time you had an amazing meal? April 2009 in Las Vegas at Morton’s The Steakhouse.

What do you miss most about being a kid? Midnight runs to the 7-11. I know I can do that now, but it’s just not the same.

What is your first memory of being really excited? Going to Disneyland for the first time with my family.

What was the first thing you bought with your own money? Bad by Michael Jackson on cassette, thank you very much! (I am assuming they are looking for something substantial. Otherwise the answer would be candy.)

When was the last time you were nervous? I don’t even remember. I am sure it was something recent, but it must not have been that big of a deal since I can’t recall what it was.

What is something you learned in the last week? How much wood a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

What story does your family always tell about you? The time a hippo shit on me at the zoo. Apparently this gem is going in the annals of our family history.

At what age did you become an adult?
I’ll get back to you on that one.

Now it’s your turn!

Anything you have been wondering about? Have a burning question you would like to get off your chest? Post it in the comments and I will answer these next Monday.

In the meantime, I will try really hard to post something meaningful and life changing.

No pressure.

Because You Don’t Already Know Enough About Me

81 Things You Didn’t Know About Me Until You Read This:

What Color Is Your Toothbrush?
Blue and Green

Name One Person That Made You Smile Today?
Mr. Oliver Poopface Rocket Butt Man

What were you doing this morning at 8?
Attempting to tidy up the house.

What Were You Doing 45 Minutes Ago?
Dishes and feeding Ollie lunch.

What Is Your Favorite Candy?

Have You Ever Been To A Strip Club?

What’s the last thing you said out loud?
“I can make a pizza.”

What Was The Last Thing You Had To Drink?
Ocean Spray 100% Juice Fruit & Veggie Tropical Citrus

What Is The Longest You Have Gone Without Sleeping?
I think maybe a day.

Have You Ever Made A Promise You’d Die To Keep?
I guess so. Does promising to keep Oliver safe count?

Have You Bought Any New Clothing Items This Week?

The Last Sporting Event You Watched?
Jeremy’s qualifying round for the Utah State Amateur Golf Championship in 2008.

What Is Your Favorite Flavor Of Popcorn?
Kettle Corn

Who Is The Last Person You Sent A Message to on Facebook?

Ever Go Camping?
Yes I do! In fact we have several camping trips planned for this summer.

Do You Take Vitamins Daily?
Does a handful of chocolate chips count?

Do You Go To Church Every Sunday?
I haven’t been to church, regularly, in a very long time. I go for things to do with family and friends. And I love to attend Vespers and the Carol Ceremony at the local catholic cathedral during the holidays.

Do You Drink Your Soda With A Straw?
In a restaurant, yes. From a can or in a glass from my own home, no.

What Did Your Last Text Message Say?
Ha ha.

What Are You Doing Tomorrow?
Probably just hanging out at home. Who knows? I tend to play it by ear when it come to planning my days.

Where Is Your Dad?
Probably hitting balls during his lunch hour.

Look To Your Left, What Do you see?
My aforementioned drink and Ollie’s rocking horse.

What Color Is Your Watch?
I don’t wear a watch.

What Do You Think Of When You Hear Australia?
I would really like to go there, someday.

What did you do yesterday?
Laundry, went for a walk with Ollie, read my book, enjoyed the nice weather.

Do You Go In At A Fast Food Place Or Just Hit The Drive Thru?
Depends on what fast food place, if Ollie is awake or not, and how much time I have.

What Is Your Favorite Number?
8250, of course.

Who’s The Last Person You Talked To On The Phone?
My sister, Karey.

Any Plans Today?
Birthday dinner for my brother, Pete. His birthday is tomorrow! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PEEWEEE!!!

Biggest Annoyance In Your Life Right Now?

Last Song Listened To?
“I Need You,” by America.

Can You Say The Alphabet Backwards?
Sure can. I am also teaching it to Oliver in both directions.

Do You Have A Maid Service Clean Your House?
Yes. I also have a private jet that flies me to Rodeo Drive to go shopping every week.

Favorite Pair Of Shoes You Wear All The Time?
No, but I have been wearing a lot of flats, lately.

Are You Jealous Of Anyone?

Is Anyone Jealous Of You?
I wouldn’t know.

Do You Love Anyone?

What Do You Usually Do During The Day?
Play with Ollie, run errands, meet friends for coffee, attempt to clean the house, watch TV, etc.

Do You Hate Anyone That You Know Right Now?
I don’t know if hate is the word I would use.

Do You Use The Word ‘hello’ Daily?

Do You Like Cats?
I liked our family cat, Willie. All other cats are disposable.

Have You Ever Been To Six Flags?
Yes, Magic Mountain, about twenty years ago.

How Did You Get Your Worst Scar?

Last Cd Played?
Spoon – Ga Ga Ga Ga

Last Bubble Bath?
A decade ago? I don’t know.

Last Time You Cried?
A week ago? I don’t know. I don’t keep track of those kinds of things.

Last Meal?
Totino’s Supreme Party Pizza.

Have You Ever Kissed Someone & Regretted It?

Have You Ever Fallen In Love?

Have You Ever Lost Someone?
Yes, but that is life.

Have You Ever Slept Until 1pm?
Never. I have always been an early riser.

List Four People You Tell Pretty Much Anything To?
Jeremy, Karey, Jenn, and Heather.

List Three Favorite Colors/shades —
Red, Orange, Yellow.

Laughed Until You Cried:
Last night. That Chelsea Handler is one funny bitch.

Who Posted This Before You?
My cousin, Britney.

Lowering The Drinking Age?
I don’t see the point.

Is There Something You Want To Tell Someone?
“I don’t know how you can be that funny without enhancement creams.”

Would You Kiss Anyone On Your Top Friends?

How Many Kids Do You Want To Have?

Do You Want To Change Your Name?
No, I like my name.

Last Time You Saw Your Father?
Saturday afternoon.

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?

How Old Are You?
Old enough.

What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night?

What Is Your Favorite Thing In Your Room?
I don’t know that I would call any thing “a favorite.” I do like the pictures we have hung.

Where Is Your Best Friend Right Now?

Questioned for Your Pleasure.

Most of you have heard The Great Interview Experiment. If you have not you should pull that large boulder off of your face introduce yourself to this awesome project and go check it out.

I was so excited to find out who I was going to interview. Just guess!! You’ll never guess.


I’ll tell you.

It’s Meg, from Mind of a Madwoman! How awesome is that?! (I know. I peed myself a little when I got the news.) If you don’t know of this wonderful woman, I pity your lame ass you should go check out her blog right away.

I have decided to proceed with this interview in the fashion of one of my favorite things. The random questionnaire!! So without further ado, I give you the MIND OF A MADWOMAN!!!! (DA DA DAAAAAAA *seriously ominous music at this moment*, but reallly, she’s cool. Don’t be freaked out by the sense of danger that may have occured at that moment.)

1. What was the last album you bought? What did you think of it? Favorite song and why?

Oh geez. I think it was a Kings of Leon album on iTunes. The lead singer’s voice makes me all wobbly and quite honestly ready to take my clothes off for the first person who asks. Fave song? “Sex on Fire”. Mmmm.

2. Where’s the best place you’ve been this year?

So far? To bed. I love love love sleeping. I’d spend days in bed if I could, but I can’t. I think it’s a conspiracy between all the perky little bitches that jump out of bed in the morning with a smile on their face. Their smiles stay up just as long as their boobs do. Bloody annoying and hard on those of us who are not so blessed.

3. Did you ever play ‘Dungeons and Dragons’?

Um. No. BUT! I did marry an uber geek in the form of Hotty Hubby who is not only an avid fan of “Dorks & Dumbasses” but also plays “Magic” and other games played by the residents of Geekville. He keeps trying to recruit me and he almost got me before I smacked myself in the head and came to my senses. Nice save, eh?

4. Who’s your favourite writer? Which of their books is your favorite?

Hoooo boy. I read so many books and love so many authors. I’m a huge fan of Kurt Vonnegut and Charles Dickens, my favourite novels being “Slaughterhouse Five” and “Great Expectations” respectively. In the fluff department though, I’m rather partial to anyone who can write books about vamps with any small amount of talent.

5. What is the biggest crime you have ever committed? Did you get caught? If yes, what happened?

Erm. I have not committed a crime. Actually that’s not true. I’m led to believe that it’s illegal to drive and talk on your cell at the same time in this country. I did that the other day. Didn’t get caught. There’s also those drugs I took back in the day…but again, not caught.

6. What would you do if you were male for the day?

Play with myself. All day. Isn’t that what they do anyway? And enjoy peeing standing up. Sweet!

7. Do you have any phobias?

Spiders. Nasty little buggers. I’m not deathly afraid so I guess it’s not technically a phobia. Heights. Hate them. I had a very short term boyfriend that lived in an apartment on a very high up floor of a tall building. He loved going out onto the balcony to make out. I told him if he made me go out there again he’d be making out with vomit. He didn’t ask me again.

8. How are you feeling right now?

Um. Cold. It’s after 9:30pm which seems to be when my body temperature plummets. It’s like this game that my body likes to play. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Cool. Warm. Hot. Hot. Really damn cold. Even in the summer. Sad really.

9. Type the first four word the come into your mind. Turn them into a haiku.

Cold feet suck ass, man.
Socks should be mandatory
After 9 p. m.

10. Do you have any collections? If yes, what about those items caught your interest?

Oooooh I love this question. I collect cows! I love cows. When I was younger I got licked by a cow and fell in love. (Much the same way Hotty Hubby got my interest actually). Since then I’ve picked up cows wherever I can. When we moved from Canada to NZ I had to leave all but two stuffed cow toys behind so I’ve had to restart, but I’m still collecting them.

11. Name four things you always have with you:

My cellphone, my iPod, my wallet and my boobs. Oh. Sorry, that’s 5 things. I don’t always have my iPod. There, now that’s four.

12. What is your family like?

Dysfunctional like everyone else’s. Divided over many countries. Many generations and new marriages and so on. Huge. But they’re mine. I wouldn’t trade it.

13. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?

My family. Not even just the direct family like Hubby & kids….family in general. Much as they might piss me off from time to time, I’ll not give up on them.

14. Do you have a favorite scar on your body? What is the story behind it?

My c-section scar. It’s a memory of my son’s birth and the emotional and physical journey I had to through to get him into my arms safe and sound. It was hard to trust my gut and go against the advice of my midwife, but if I hadn’t I wouldn’t have the handsome, adorable, smart boy that I do today.

15. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep?

Myself. Selfish cow aren’t I? I spend all day thinking about everyone else in my life. Lying in bed at night is my time.

16. What was your childhood nickname?

I nicknamed myself Meggers when I was a kid and it kind of stuck. I’ve been through many nicknames since then (not all of them kind or polite) but Meggers has always been there.

17. How do you decide what to blog about? Any inhibitions?

It’s really just whatever comes to my mind. Which is how we end up with some of the crap that shows up on my blog really. And no inhibitions. I own my words and will talk about pretty much anything.

18. What is something you with you were better at doing?

Being a good parent. I yell too much, spend too little time. I wish I came by it naturally. I really do. Maybe by the time they’re 18 and in full time therapy for the ways I’ve messed them up, I’ll have figured it all out.

19. What is one phrase that you cannot say or hear without cracking up? (Mine, by the way, are crap face or ass eyes. Gets me every time.)

Oh that’s easy. Assclam. Douchecicle. Many others that I probably shouldn’t repeat publicly so as not to offend the sensibilities of your readers 🙂

20. What is one of your goals for this year? Describe what you are doing so far to accomplish it.

Lose a crap load of weight. I’ve been doing well. Swimming. Walking. Weight Watchers. Already down 36 lbs in 16 weeks. I’m happy with that progress and will keep going.

Thank you, Meg, for this very insightful journey into your love of family, cows, and your likelihood to fondle your balls if ever you became a man. I hope everyone has enjoyed this as much as I have.

Now go read her blog!!

Fifty! It’s Half of One Hundred.

1. What do you add to your coffee? It’s rare that I have straight up coffee. Usually I have one of those incredibly overpriced, crack sugar laced beverages like a white chocolate peppermint mocha. But if and when I do have coffee, I turn it into something similar to the aforementioned drink with half n half and sugar.

2. What are you reading now? Oh many things, my friends, many things. Ok, really just four books. Two on parenting, one true tale of thievery, and one suspense novel. Just guess which one is which! You’ll never guess.
Parenting With Love and Logic
Children the Challenge
The Charlemagne Pursuit
The Man Who Loved Books Too Much: The True Story of Thief, a Detective, and a World of Literary Obsession

3. Do you own a gun? Me, personally, no. But my husband does, so there is one in our home if that counts.

4. Are you registered to vote? Yes

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? I didn’t until I had Rocket. And I really only get nervous when I know they are going to be giving him a shot. This is probably the worst time to get nervous since kids are like dogs and can sense fear. I am not afraid of needles, I have eleven piercings for fuck sake. I just hate it when people shove sharp pointed objects into my child.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I think they are tasty tubes of meat.

7. Favorite Christmas Song? I am quite fond of Oh Come All Ye Faithful. I am NOT a fan of that piece of shit song with the tourette inducing chorus of “si-imply ha-aving a wonderful Christmas time.”

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? I don’t know that I have a preference. I’ll drink whatever is available be it milk or soda.

9. Can you do push ups? I know my bra can do at least two. PAH POW!!

10. What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Technically we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, but since we did hang out naked in his closet, I will have to go with Adam.

11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelery? My wedding ring.

12. Favorite hobby? Painting or photography.

13. Do you work with people who idolize you? I work with my one year old son. Our working relationship is great but I have been hearing whisperings of nepotism from the other employees.

14. Do you have ADD? I don’t know. I’ve never waited around long enough to find out.

15. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? I tend to be suspicious of people’s motives.

16. What’s your Middle name? Diane. After me ma.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
I should go check on Rocket.
I saw something muchin’ in the meadow, moo, moo, moo.
Shit, I need to do some serious laundry.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday. Can’t. I spent up to and including no money, yesterday.

19. Name 3 beverages you regularly drink. Milk, Diet Dr. Pepper and Cafe Mocha.

20. Current worry right now? I plead the fifth.

21. What side do you dress to? It’s more of a circular motion starting with the right foot. It’s complicated.

22. Favorite place to be? At home with my family.

23. How did you bring in the New Year? I believe I wiped the drool off my face and turned over on the couch around 9:30PM. Party at the Watsons!

24. Where would you like to go? Disneyland, obviously. Also Connecticut to see my sister, Jennifer Jennifer Crotch Crotch and her boyfriend, Dieter Dieter Pants on Fire. How did they get these names? Why do you ask, Dogs Pooping?

25. Name three people who will complete this. Your mom, The Pope, and that girl with the frontal dromedary issues.

26. Whose answers do you want to read the most? Your mom’s for sure.

27. What color shirt are you wearing? Pink with green plaid accenting.

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? *uncontrollable shuddering*

29. Can you whistle? Sure can.

30. Favorite colors(s)? Puce and ochre. Not really. That’s just what we would tell people when they asked about our wedding colors.

31. Could you be a pirate? Do you mean, how much longer do I plan on being a pirate? I think until ta-mAAAAAARRRR-ow! (Wow that was bad. Couldn’t help it. I blame it on the scurvy.)

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t usually sing in the shower.

33. Favorite girls name? Diamoniqua, Paradise, and Fonda Peters.

34. Favorite boy’s name? Warren, Daryl, and Tom.

35. What’s in your pocket right now? Wishes and starlight.

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Mr. Mike Rowe. Alright, that’s not entirely true. I totally just cracked myself up with my answer to question 25.

37. Best bed sheets as a child? Disney character sheets.

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? My episiotomy. Can that be considered an injury?

39. Do you love where you live? Yes

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? One. One is enough.

41. Who is your loudest friend? Depends on the alcohol consumption.

42. How many dogs do you have? None. Not a dog person at. all.

43. Does anyone have a crush on you? I would hope at least one person does.

44. What are the most fun things you ever did? Spending a week in Disneyland with Annie and Jeremy. Going to Italy with my Grandma. Any night hanging out at my parent’s house. (The last one may seem crazy, but you haven’t met my parents.)

45. What are your favorite books? Siddhartha – Hermann Hesse, My Name is Asher Lev – Chaim Potok, and Say Goodnight, Gracie – Julie Reece Deaver.

46. What is your favorite candy? I’m a big sucker for Sixlets.

47. Favorite Team? Rockford Peaches

48. What songs do you want played at your funeral? I have no idea. You pick.

49. What were you doing at 12 AM? On what day? Can you be more specific? Because right now I have 11, 710 options to choose from.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Wow! It’s really 8:30! Sweet.

Sorry I’m Late

I meant to post this yesterday but ended up spending the day with my mom, instead. It was great! She took us to breakfast and bought a ton of really great books for Oliver. There were several that I remembered from my childhood which is always fun.

Anyhooo….on to the questions!

Our first question comes from Moonspun.

Name three favorite movies you could watch over and over (like the kind if I came to visit and I hadn’t seen them, you’d sit me right down in front of the tv to make my life right). and name three reasons you love them.

Well first off, I would have to say Young Frankenstein by Mel Brooks.

Reason 1: It has Gene Wilder as Dr. Frankenstein for pete’s sake! How could you not love that?!
Reason 2: Madaline Kahn. Need I say more?
Reason 3: Some of the silliest and most clever dialogue I have ever heard.

Second, I would say, Meet Me In St. Louis with Judy Garland.

Reason 1: I am a HUGE sucker for a good musical. And I am not talking this Mama Mia bullshit.
Reason 2: The costumes and settings are beautiful.
Reason 3: I love the family dynamic of the Smith’s. They are a great bunch of characters.

Last, I would say Pride and Prejudice (the version with Keira Knightly). Now while I am not a big Keira “I have several rows of teeth, like shark” Knightly, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this movie. I think I watched it five times in one day. No shit.

Reason 1: The love story is so wonderful I get goose bumps just thinking about it.
Reason 2: The dialogue. Of course being written by Jane Austen, you know it has brilliant, sharp wit.
Reason 3: Incredibly beautiful cinematography.

The next question comes from Mind of a Mad Woman. I believe this is the first time she has been to my blog (unless she has been sneaking around like a ninja). So welcome!

If you had to choose between living in a house with no roof in a constantly rainy climate OR living in a city with walkways that are all hot coals and you have no shoes (or any mode of transport besides walking)..which would you choose?

I would definitely choose the latter. I think with the first I would go absolutely crazy after a while. Where as with the second choice, I think, I would end up losing all feeling in the bottom of my feet and it wouldn’t matter one bit what I was walking on.

The third question is from Mumma Boo. Another new reader! Yeah! Welcome to you too!

If you could only choose one form of creative expression to do for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?

Painting, without a doubt. There are limitless stories and emotions that one can convey with painting. And there are endless options for materials that I can use for my painting. So the ideas, while they may wane at times, will never really run out.

Next we have my long time blogging friend, Jess. Hi, Jess!

Dear Sus, WTF?

Dear Jess,
That’s what she said.
Love, Sus.

And last but not least, another new reader, Mystern. Welcome to you, as well!

What’s the difference between happiness and joy?

I read somewhere that happiness depends on our circumstances, whereas joy depends on our emotional well-being. I would have to say this is a pretty good way of looking at those two things.

Thank you to all who sent in your questions. And to all the new readers, I hope you come back soon!

What’s the Matter? Cat Got Your Tongue?

So tomorrow I will be answering the questions for the Ask Sus Anything Your Heart Desires panel, but so far only three people have left a question.

Really? That’s it? Only three? It can be any question in the whole wide world, people. Don’t be afraid.

Maybe you are waiting until the last minute?

Yes, I’m sure that must be it.

Call Me, “Grandpa!” “What?!” “Just Do It!”

Today I was checking out what various searches had brought people to my site and this was among the list:

as your aunt i order you to bend over

What for? What are you planning on doing? Aunt Becky, was that you? Cheeky.

On another note, don’t forget to submit your questions for this Monday!

Your Aunt Becky Has Some Questions For You!

Yes, it’s true! Aunt Becky from Mommy Wants Vodka is interviewing each and every lovely reader willing to answer her. So, of course, I am playing along. But wait! There’s more! She is also giving away a book to a random person who participates in the interviewing process.

Are you telling me that I get to answer a questionnaire AND I may win a book?! Well slap my ass and call me Susie.

Mommy Wants Vodka

1) Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream?

Do they have the potential to prevent my ice cream from EVER MELTING?

2) If you had to choose one word to banish from the English language, what would it be and why?


Gross. Just say it.




3) If you were a flavor, what would it be?


4) What’s the most pointless annoying chore you can think of that you do on a daily/weekly basis?

This question assumes that I actually do chores that regularly. But if I had to pick something I would say: changin’ the tickin’ in Ma and Pa’s mattress. (Is it just me or does the word “chore” start the theme song to Little House on the Prairie in your head?)

5) Of all the nicknames I’ve ever had in my life, Aunt Becky is the most widely known and probably my favorite. What’s your favorite nickname? (for yourself)

Jimmy Two Boobs

6) You’re stuck on a desert island with the collective works of 5 (and only five) musical artists for the rest of your life. Who are they?

Muse, Billy Holiday, Eric Satie, Michael Jackson, and Peter Gabriel

7) Everything is better with bacon. True or false?

Absolutely true.

8 ) If I could go back in time and tell Young Aunt Becky one thing, it would be that out of chaos, order will emerge. Also: tutus go with everything. What would you tell young self?

Don’t be so afraid of failing.

An Interview Featuring Moi!

Some of you may have heard of the Great Interview Experiment happening, again, over at Citizen of the Month. If not, I highly recommend checking it out. It’s a brilliant way to meet other bloggers and gain new readers.

I decided to participate again this year (in fact, I get to interview Maggie from Mind of a Mad Woman – WOOHOO!!), and have been interviewed by the lovely Maya at Strait Jackets Are Slimming. Isn’t that a fantastic blog name?!

Anyhoooo…if you have a moment, go check it out!

In Which I Steal for My Own Entertainment.

Call me a klepto, but I just stole my titling style from Badass Geek and I am now going to steal an idea for a post from Maggie over at Mind of a Mad Woman. It’s alright, though. They’re cool.

It’s been a while since I entertained you with one of these zany surveys. (That’s right. I said, “Zany.” I am bringing all the classics back into popularity, along with “hogwash,” and “poo skid.” Ok, maybe that last one wasn’t popular, worldwide, but it sure got a lot of use around the house when I was a kid.)

But I digress…on to the questions!

1.Your ex is on the side of the road, on fire. What do you do?

Probably say something like, “Huh. No shit,” as we hear about it on the news. I have no idea of the whereabouts of my exes and, frankly, don’t care.

2.Your best friend tells you she’s pregnant. What is your reaction?

I would be overjoyed! And then I would call her a dirty whore and spank her butt.

3.When is the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?

Wow. I actually can’t think if anything. This is surprising. Usually I want to clock at least one person, each day. Huh. I need to get out more. My “bitch slap jar” seems to be getting low.

4.Congratulations! You just had a son. What’s his name?

Hubert Cumberdale

5.Congratulations! You just had a daughter. What’s her name?

Cornelia Bilyana Vilhelmina

6.What are you craving right now?

Peppermint Bark from Costco. That shit is Christmas Crack! Also, a pulled pork sandwich from Sugar House BBQ.

7.What was the last thing you cried about?

Some episode of Extreme Home Makeover. Damn show gets me every time.

8.When you buy something and your change is a penny. Do you keep it?

Depends on my mood. Usually if the person helping me is a dick, I just tell them to shove it up their ass keep it. I don’t want to talk to them any longer than I have to.

9.What color is your tissue box?

I don’t know. What color is your pod bag?

10.Do you have a ceiling fan in your room, and if so, is there dust on that fan?

I’m not sure…I can’t tell through all the dust.

11.What is the last voicemail you received about?

My mom inviting us to dinner.

12.Scariest thing you’ve experienced in the last year?

Taking home a newborn, knowing that we were solely responsible for its survival.

13.Have you ever had a garage sale?

I have been a part of a family garage sale, but have never been in charge of one, myself. I will say that I puchased one of my favorite possessions at a garage sale. A press kit for the band Menudo, complete with 8X10 glossy. (Remember when they were on Silver Spoons and they came riding in on the Ricker’s train, in all their latin glory? Sweet.)

14.What is the last alcoholic beverage you had?

I’m not sure. It’s been a long damn time. I would have to guess it was something with Vodka.

15.Are you happy right now?

Why yes, I am. Thanks for asking!

16.Who came over last?

A whole slew of people.

17.Do you drink beer?

I drink beer of the rooted kind.

18.Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?

Pssshhh, this happened weekly. I would just tell them that two trains collided and they fell out of a hobo’s butt.

19.Dark or light jeans?

If they are on fire, then definitely light. Otherwise, dark.

20.What was the last movie you watched at home?

The Sons of Katie Elder. I loves me a good John Wayne movie.

21.What is in your pocket?

Alanis Morrisette’s other hand.

22.Who introduced you to your boyfriend/girlfriend?

Our friend Chad, who was later my maid of honor at our wedding.

23.Where do you hurt?

Your face.

24.What is your favorite aisle at Wal-Mart?

I fucking HATE Wal-Mart.

25.When is your birthday?


26.What are you going to do after this?

Run naked through the streets.

27.Who was the last person you went shopping with?

Jeremy. We just bought Rocket a new car seat.

28.What about your favorite dessert?

What about it? You got a problem with my favorite dessert?!

29.Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?

Yes. I have a second cousin who is also named Susan. And my middle name is my mom’s name.

30.Do you like pickles?

Hell yes. But only Kosher Dill. All other pickles can suck it.

31.Is someone in love with you?

I sure hope so.

32.What color is your couch?


33.Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?

When we were kids, my cousin and I looked remarkable similar and were often mistaken for twins. We have since outgrown our “Patty Duke Syndrome.”

34.Does someone like you right now?

It’s possible.

35.Do you know anyone in jail/prison?

Not yet. Working on it.

36.Who was the last person to send you a text message?

I think it was my sister, but I don’t recall. I don’t text message, if you can believe it.

37.How many hours did you sleep for last night?

In a row? Four. Total…six.

38.Do you swear at your parents?

I don’t swear at them, but I do swear around them. My mom was captain of the SS Pottymouth.

39.Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Absolutely. You’re thinking about me right now. I can tell.

40.What is the last thing you spent money on?

Chick-fil-a. Yum!

41.Name one thing no one can ever take away from you?

The memory of all that.

42.What is the last thing you ate that had onions in it?

Nothing. I am not a fan.

43.Crunchy or Puffy Cheetos?

Also, not a fan.

44.The first person on your friends list just called you a bitch. What do you have to say to them?


45.Have you ever blocked someone on Myspace before?

Never had a need to. My stint with MySpace was very brief.

46.Do you wear a name tag at work?

No, but I just may start.

47.What color is your iPod?

My iPod Mini is white and my iPod Touch is black.

48.What is your favorite key chain on your keys?

I have up to no key chains on my keys. When I see people with a wad a shit on their key, it makes me want to beat them in the face with it, especially when they twirl it around. Stop it. Stop it, right now.

49.Say you were given a pregnancy test right now. Would you pass or fail?

Definitely fail.

50.What were you doing at midnight last night?

Sleeping. That’s the party animal I am.