Half An Elephant’s Gestational Period.

Nine months. That’s how long it has been since I was posting regularly.

Nine whole months!

Hmmm, which means that Ollie was only 17 months old when I stopped. Do you realize how much can happen with a kid in that time frame? MInd-boggling growth!! He went from a teetering, tentative toddler, who could recall the name of a few people and objects, to a full blown couch diving, running full speed ahead, “I want to tackle, Daddy!” boy!

And the language on this kid! Talk about being skipper of the S.S. Pottymouth! Just kidding; that isn’t actually true, although we have had some pretty funny incidents when he has repeated some phrases that he probably shouldn’t say. LIke the time Jeremy stated firmly, “This is BULLSHIT!” about something that wasn’t working the way he wanted, only to have Ollie start marching up and down the stairs chanting, “BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT,” the whole time. Or the time when I jammed my finger on his car seat and shortly after heard his sweet voice say, “Son of bitsh, mommy!” (In case you are wondering, yes, we did laugh our asses off…silently and out of view. Jeremy was able to keep it together in front of Ollie, but as we know from my lack of a “that’s not funny face,” I had to leave the room.)

Alright, I am just going to come out and say what I am sure every parent thinks about their child.

My kid is a goddamn genius.

He “reads” aloud (I am pretty sure it is just from memory at the moment) “Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?” by Eric Carle, “The Little Engine That Could!” by Watty Piper, and “Bears,” by Maurice Sendak. CUTEST. THING. EVER!! I have it on video and as soon as I can upload it to my computer I will post it here for you. I am telling you, you will want to lay down a tarp first because your heart is going to melt all over your feet.

You know the best part about a kid who is wanting to learn new words and phrases? You can get them to repeat the funniest shit! No, I am not talking about the profanity. As funny as I said that would be, I didn’t actually want him to do it at such a young age. Do I care if Oliver swears? Not really, I just want him to understand that there is a time and a place for it. Anyways, what I am talking about are phrases that you WANT him to repeat.

Here are some of the family favorites:

“Hey! What the deuce?!”
“Douchebag”
“Hey sucka! You gotta big fat floop flo!”

I may just have to upgrade my wordpress account so that I can start posting the audio clips I have of all of these. He has the most darling little voice!

In addition to his new language skills, he can identify every letter of the alphabet in both the lower and upper case forms. He can also identify numbers 0 – 10, and he can count to 17 on his own and higher, if coaxed. He knows every color of the rainbow and more. And on top of all that, he can point out a circle, triangle, square, diamond, oval, crescent, octagon, rectangle, and star. When we are out running errands he likes to point these out as we come across them. A trip to the store would not be complete without hearing, “Mommy, wook! A byyooo stah!” or “Hey, mommy, wook! A lellow soh-cle!”

When you repeat back what he said, “Oh you saw a yellow circle?!”, he nods his little head and says, “Oh. Wight.”

Oh but guess what?! There is an added bonus that comes with all this new found language. Something in the fine print that they don’t tell you about, up front.

Tantrums. Screaming, flailing, seeming to never end, tantrums.

It’s funny how five minutes can feel like hours when the phrase, “MOMMY, NO!” is being repeated at the top of a two year old’s lungs.

Let’s be clear on one thing, though. I will not tolerate anyone saying my son is in “the terrible twos.” I hate that phrase. I hate the message it sends. Even during the times when he is in full blown meltdown, it’s not terrible. I know and understand the multiple reasons why he is doing this. On one hand it has got to be a pain in the ass to want to communicate so badly and to have everyone tell you they can’t understand what you are saying. I would get pissed, too. That in no way means that I condone this behavior at all, and he is disciplined when he is rude or belligerent to myself or Jeremy. I am just saying, I get it. I also get that he is figuring out his boundaries and pushing us to see what he can get away with, to see where the line has been drawn. Again, fine, but you step too far over that line and there are consequences.

But, truth be told, it sucks. I know it is just a phase and one that I hope is over, quickly. I hate getting mad at this face. Breaks my heart.

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Back in Business

After much deliberation with myself and my other self, I have decided to start blogging, again. Will people care? Who knows? I wish I could say, “Who cares?” but I would just be kidding myself. I kept saying that the reason I stopped blogging was because I got tired of feeling like I had to write for everyone else. Truthfully a small part of me does want to write for the masses. I want your feedback. I want to share my experiences with you. Otherwise I would just dig out my New Kids on the Block diary, bust open the lock whose key is now long gone, and start pouring my heart out on the pages remaining untouched since 7th grade.

Wow. Even now, just the simple act of writing is bringing a sense of lightness and peace to my heart that I haven’t felt in a very long time. Interesting how I never truly realized how much doing this meant to me. So enough of the sentiments, let’s get on with the gettin’ on!

Where have I been, you ask? What have I been doing? Dude. What haven’t I been doing?!

Working, that’s what. Well in the employed sense. Believe me, being a stay at home mom is work, but incredible, life-changing, worthwhile work that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I am amazed and blown away everyday by Rocket’s accomplishments. He is becoming such a little character with a great sense of humor! For example, when something goes wrong, he now says, “What the deuce?!”

Oh by the way, he is almost 2 and a half now. I tried to pause time as long as I could, but he must have found a worm hole or something, because he is growing up a lot faster than I anticipated. My little baby as turned into a full fledged couch jumping, puddle stomping, story telling, song singing, cars loving boy.

I am going to keep this first post very brief. I just really wanted to say, “Hey. I’m here again. Do you remember me? I hope you come back to visit, again. I’d love to see your lovely faces.”

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

I worked in sales. I don’t know if I ever made mention of that on this blog. I have always been very VERY careful about what I said here about my place of employment, in the off chance that they found this site. No one there knew of its existence, at least not from me, and I wanted to keep it that way. The only thing I have really mentioned is that they were letting me work from home.

That is no longer the case, and therefore, I no longer have a job. If you want more details on what happened you can shoot me a quick email. But I won’t be posting about it here. There is still too much at stake and I can’t afford to fuck up any possible reference that I might have.

Am I scared? You bet your ass I am. Am I excited to be able to stay home with Oliver for a while? YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM!! It has been almost three weeks since I lost my job and I can already see that Rocket is growing and learning in leaps and bounds since I have been able to devote my full attention to him.

We have been reading a ton of books and practicing our letters and learning about rhyming. I know he is only 6 months (ONLY SIX MONTHS!! HA!), but I can already see him trying to soak up everything I am saying. He watches my face, with such intensity, and you can see him trying to figure out how to form the words with his mouth. He has started imitating the sounds we make. It’s hilarious to hear him growl as he wrestles with his bunny. Or squeal with joy when he discovers the tags on his blanket.

He is sitting up completely unassisted and loves it. Sometimes I think he would sleep sitting up if he just wasn’t so damned tired. I love seeing him so interested in and excited about his surroundings. It’s a whole new view of his world!

The weather here has been fantastic. So we have been going on many walks, checking out the local parks, and hanging out with Jer at the golf course.

Jeremy is so excited to teach Ollie how to play golf. He has already purchased the tiniest putter you have ever seen! We talk about how cool it will be to take him to play a quick round before school starts in the morning. Hopefully he likes golf but, if not, that’s ok, too. We aren’t going to be the sort of parents the try to force their kids to like something just because we do. If Rocket wants to be a dancer, instead, that is cool with us, too!

So what am I going to do now that I am unemployed? I am finally going to start my design company. This is something that I have wanted to do my entire life. I have talked about this for as long as I can remember. And now I feel I am finally ready. I feel confidant that I can do this. I am not going to say too much about it at this point, since it is very much in the beginning stages. This is also the reason that I won’t be blogging quite as often as I had in the past. I really want to focus as much attention as I can to this. But let me just say that I am SO SO SO EXCITED!!! As soon as my website is up, I will let you all know.

And I am going to start painting again! I used to paint for hours and hours, and in the last year I haven’t painted once. I need to start using my talents. I miss feeling proud about something that I have created. Of course, Rocket, fits that description better than anything, but this is different. This is a way for me to express how I am feeling when words fail me. It’s who I am. I am an artist and I need to be confident in my abilities.

Heads up! Very exciting things are heading our way!!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are!

I don’t know if I any of my readers are still around, but I figure it is time to start writing again. I stopped writing, because the things I have been dealing with are things that I didn’t want to write about on this blog. Not that I have ever really had a problem being open about just about anything, here. But I was in a place where I didn’t want to open myself up for advice or words of encouragement from just anybody. I don’t know if that makes any sense. I was in such a funk, that just the thought of someone giving me an “Oh honey…it’ll be okaayyy,” patronizing look of concern, made me want to wipe that fucking look right off their face. So I shared what I was dealing with with those that I felt could help me the most, and with whom I was okay to totally breakdown in front of.

I am really trying to have a better outlook on who I am becoming as a mother and as a new kind of wife. Let’s be honest, having a child has a HUGE affect on your marriage. Not in a bad way, necessarily, but it makes a relationship that was once so easy and carefree, into something that you really have to pay attention to, and make sure that it is getting the care and nurturing that it deserves. So much time is spent taking care of your child, that it is easy to overlook, or neglect to most important thing. The stability of the parents.

Nothing has happened to make me make those last comments. I have just become overly observant to how much care and effort is required to keep a relationship strong. I admire and applaud the marriages that have lasted and are happy and loving (that is key…a relationship can last and still be shit), especially in large families. I look up to you and hope to learn from your success.

I also realized that a huge reason that I have been so down, is simply because I am very lonely. Jeremy and I have a great relationship. But I need something outside of our relationship. Something tangible. Something that is just for me. The friendships I have made through this blog I cherish. But I can’t call up LilSass or Moonspun and say, “Let’s go grab some coffee,” or “Do you want to go see a show?” They are clear on the other side of the country. And yes, I have friends who live “close by,” but that is still a 30 minute drive to see them. Not really conducive for the spur of the moment hang out.

I was thinking the other day about how I need to make some friends in my neighborhood. And then I had a huge epiphany. I am SURROUNDED by family up here. My aunt and her family live less than 5 miles away, and my uncle and his family are no more than 10 miles away. I ran into my aunt the other day at the store, and it was so good to see her. I couldn’t believe how nice it was to see my family. I have decided to make an effort to spend more time with them. I don’t know if any of them read this blog, but if they do, I hope they are okay with that!

So many changes have occurred with Oliver in the few weeks that I was away. He is growing like a weed!! And he is so. fucking. cute! Good lord just look at him!

He is so smart! He rolls over from his back to his stomach, now. He can almost sit up by himself for brief moments. I think he may cut his first tooth very very soon. And my favorite thing of all…he talks!!! Well coos and gurgles. It’s not like we are discussing politics or anything. Who knows? Maybe in his mind we are. The politics of Dragon Tales and Zaboomafoo. We can carry on conversations and he sighs and squeels, giggles and screams. It is so awesome! I can’t get enough of it! And he is curious about everything. He reaches for everything, and watches everything with such an intense interest. I can’t wait until he can really start talking and I can really teach him about letters and numbers and how to tackle his dad. It is going to be so much fun!

I think that is a long enough post for now. I hope I haven’t lost to many of you while I was away. I look forward to catching up on your lives as well.

Word to your mother.
Sus.